Do past good deeds counteract wrongs in the present? It seems that some believe that being kind in the past should outweigh a failure to do so in the present and should be met with forgiveness. I’m not so sure about that.
I’ve realized recently how little I reflect on the past when dealing with people in the present. Typically, the actions of the person from yesterday do not alter how I treat you today. If you’re good 5 days in a row, but then on the 6th you do something rude, I’ll respond accordingly. Or if you’re rude for a week straight, but today you’re super nice, I’ll respond accordingly.
I try to live in the present moment as much as possible. I realize living in the past causes depression and living in the future causes anxiety. So if I’m constantly thinking of the mistakes of others from yesterday, I’ll be blind to their actions today. Of course all the moments I’ve shared with you will be in my mind. There’s an emotional bank account with everyone you interact with. The skill I try to attain is the ability to forget past misdeeds and be good to everyone in the present.
I don’t necessarily believe doing some good deeds in the past allow you to be an asshole today. Your past actions don’t counteract your present ones. At the same time, past kindness makes it easier to forgive and empathize when someone acts callously. Like if your best friend insults you, you don’t up and forget the past 5 years of friendship and walk away forever – you work through it.
So yes, past choices have an affect on present circumstances but they do not allow you to act however you want. Nothing makes anger, aggression, and cruelty ok. No amount of service, acts of kindness, or friendship should completely cancel out and allow for negative actions now. You cannot spit hate then say “I’ve done a lot for you.” and assume that makes it forgivable.
You decide what’s forgivable based on your interactions and emotional bank account with that person. The past doesn’t guarantee similar events in the present, but it can help determine how you should progress from here. Don’t feel pressured to forgive simply because someone is nice right now, but try to take every moment with presence and patience.
February 5, 2023
