Time to be Selfish
You need to take into account how your decisions affect the lives of others. At the same time, there are decisions you make that require you to be selfish. If you always let other people determine your direction, you’ll never end up where you want to be.
Life is a complicated process of trying to figure out what the hell we’re supposed to do. There are infinite decisions we have to make and ones we could’ve made instead. Each decision comes with its own set of snowball effects that lead to any number of unpredictable outcomes.
So in a world full of decisions and the intention of finding the right path for yourself, how do you make the right choices?
Wegmans is closing their coffee shops and switching to self-service… what should I do? Should I just quit now, stick it out, lower my hours, train in a new department? There are a ton of options which make it difficult to choose.
I care about my coworkers, so I take them into account. I cannot simply quit and leave the burden fully on them. They’d be given more hours than manageable and more stress than anyone deserves. At the same time, I need to do what’s best for me and my future.
I could choose to stay and help by taking on as many hours and responsibilities as possible. Doing so would relieve some of the stress on my coworkers and managers. At the same time, why should I invest so much energy into somewhere that’s going to replace me?
Right here and now, I know I want to pursue coffee. I love working in coffee shops and making all the drinks. Fortunately, I’m in a position where I have another job that offers me those things and to a degree that I enjoy more. After being offered more hours at my second job, I had to make a choice. Give Wegmans the help they need or focus on my own interests and progress.
So I chose to be selfish and take the opportunity I was given. I changed my availability at Wegmans and accepted the additional hours at my new job. My choice focused on my happiness and future more than the short-term gain Wegmans would receive from my staying.
It’s important to take others into account when you make decisions. You can’t do only what’s best for you and let other people deal with the repercutions. Some choices require sacrifice if it means benefitting the lives of others. But sometimes it’s better to be selfish. When it comes to your long-term happiness and progress, you are most important.
So weigh out your options before blindly doing what you think you want. Consider the impact on others and yourself. Take all things into account and make an educated decision. If in some cases that means being selfish, then do it.
May 29, 2023
The Power of Instant Realization – Letting Go of Frustration
One of my favorite things is seeing people growing upset at something then the instant realization they were in the wrong. Let me explain:
A passenger had just gone into the bathroom with his baby to change his diaper. A couple minutes went by and another person went to wait in line. After a few more minutes passed, you could see the one in line growing frustrated. When the dad finally opened the door, the person in line had an instant realization of the situation and realized their frustration wasn’t warranted.
Or take the time a friend of mine wanted takeout. They called the restaurant, no one answered. They tried again, still no luck. Finally, they grew annoyed, questioning the restaurants business model and inability to have someone to answer the phone. My friend looked up the restaurant and BAM, they weren’t even open! Absolutely hilarious.
We grow pissed so easily and jump to conclusions without having the full context of the situation. We assume people are being inconsiderate, ignoring us, being rude, or out to make our day worse. It’s rare for us to consider the background of their demeanor, the broader picture of the situation, or any alternative that isn’t negative. That’s why I love instant realization moments.
I think it’s great to be knocked down a peg and realize you were wrong. It’s beneficial to be shown your negativity is unwarranted and that you turned a simple inconvenience into something major. It’s important to receive reminders that the world doesn’t revolve around you, people don’t care about you, and we’re all here trying to figure shit out.
So relax. You don’t need to turn this into some huge production. Don’t act like this is the biggest inconvenience the world has ever seen. Live your life, let others do the same, and be respectful of other people’s time and cut them some slack.
May 26, 2023
Voluntary Discomfort or Laziness?
I’ve begun questioning whether my choices are Stoic in nature or laziness in disguise.
The Stoic practice of voluntary discomfort aims to train the mind and body for hardship. It involves purposefully doing hard things in preparation for their possible occurrence in the future. Voluntary discomfort is taking cold showers a few times a month, stepping outside with no jacket, going a few hours without a phone, eating the same meal for a week straight, etc. These challenges are done to prove to yourself that you could handle a scenario when it happens for real.
I’ve reached a point where I say what I’m doing is voluntary discomfort when in reality, it may be laziness.
You’ll almost never see me where a winter jacket. Do I own one? Yes. So why don’t I wear it in the winter? I’m training myself to be impervious to the cold! That may make sense if I did it here and there, but it’s every day. I often wish I had worn a coat, but I think of excuses for why I didn’t – it’s hard for me to put on and take off, I don’t want to find a place for it, I’ll forget it, etc. These aren’t legitimate excuses I’m placing under the guise of Stoicism, they’re me being lazy.
It’s the same with my cooking. I eat practically the same three meals every day – oatmeal, tofu and chickpeas, tempeh and black beans. Nothing really changes and while I’m ok with that, it would be nice to have a delicious meal sometimes. I’ve proven I can eat cheaply and consistently, so why do I continue doing it if I don’t have to? It’s no longer voluntary discomfort, it’s laziness. I don’t want to find recipes, buy ingredients, prep vegetables, and cook for an hour.
If you can relate to this, it may be time to ask yourself, “Am I doing this for philosophy’s sake or am I just being lazy?”. You may not love the answer, but determining your laziness is the first step towards improving.
You don’t have to do a complete 180, especially with habits like cooking healthy meals. Changing routines too drastically can cause major slip-ups, so take it slow. Make an effort to try branching out. Wear a jacket sometimes, cook a fancy meal this week, just switch it up. You’ve proved you can do it, so enjoy life a little more.
May 12, 2023
The Stoic Way of Learning: Inward Digestion and Outward Actions
This Stoic way of learning saves you time and energy that can be invested back into your hobbies, passions, and skillsets.
‘Sheep don’t throw up the grass to show the shepherds how much they have eaten; but, inwardly digesting their food, they outwardly produce wool and milk. Thus, therefore, do you likewise not show theorems to the unlearned, but the actions produced by them after they have been digested.’ ~Epictetus
This quote truly speaks to me and I think it perfectly represents my thoughts in “Where Do Your Priorities Lie?“.
We should not be learning as a way to impress other people. We shouldn’t improve ourselves to prove a point to the world. Our goals and the choices we make to achieve them should be for us and us alone.
It’s the same with your mindsets and perspectives. You have no reason to waste your time proving yourself to other people through words. Saying you don’t chase money, girls, a lavish lifestyle, or other monetary aims means nothing if you don’t act. Words mean nothing if your actions don’t back them up.
Take the time to learn something new because you want to. Build your foundation, practice the techniques, digest the information, and continue expanding your knowledge. Use patience and consistency to your advantage. Realize that the longer you take to hone your craft, the more likely you are to develop an expansive knowledge and skillset. One that people would never question.
So, much like the sheep, eat the grass, enjoy the meal, let your body digest it, and show the world your achievements through results. Learn for yourself, try new things that interest you, and keep going with little regard to other’s opinions. Use this Stoic way of learning to your advantage.
May 5, 2023
Overcoming Emotional Blocks in Self-Improvement
Why is overcoming emotional blocks so difficult on a personal level, but not on an objective one? Why is it so easy to help others, but so difficult to help myself?
Why am I able to be objective and Stoic with the obstacles of others? When they come to me for advice, I can stay calm, patient, and rational. When it comes to dealing with my own problems though, it’s a different story.
Even when I consider my mistakes, obstacles I’ve overcome, or hiccups I’ll likely face in the future, I can do so with a sound mind. It’s when I’m actually going through the shit that all hell breaks loose and I lose all logic. What makes these moments different and so challenging to reason through?
Working in the kitchen brings out the worst in me. I grow annoyed, aloof, temperamental, and don’t perform well. My brain runs through all the Stoic advice, blog posts, and mindfulness practices in an attempt to work through the negativity. It rarely works. I know how to deal with the situation and yet, I can’t. No amount of reminders to stay present or look at the bright side can switch my emotional brain off.
This is my present focus in my self improvement journey. My ego is likely the cause of my frustration. Something is preventing me from being objective and logical simply because it’s happening to me and not someone else. Am I expecting too much? Is there a deeper concern at play?
I’m in search of practices, a go-to response for overcoming emotional blocks. Something that nips the negativity in the bud. I’m not sure how this will play out, but we’ll check back in when the time arises.
April 28, 2023
Choices that Affect Others: The Impact of Your Decisions
There are choices that affect others and your inability to change has greater repercussions than you may believe. When your decisions affect more than yourself, it’s necessary to make changes.
It’s important to realize that the opinions of others do not matter. Constantly worrying about what they think of you is a waste of time. At the same time, there are certain choices you make that do affect the lives of other people. When this is the case, the choice should be considered and tweaked to attain the best results.
I’ve been playing around with this idea in my mind and I think it pertains to health most. We may not often consider the impact our poor choices have on those around us. It’s obvious to notice the affects on our own health and wellbeing, but we fail to consider the burden placed on others.
Your refusal to fix your sleep schedule makes you tired and foggy. That’s clearly not ideal for you. Your poor sleep habits also force other people to manage your tiredness, irritability, and fogginess. Your choice to not eat well or drink water leads to sluggishness and being prone to illness. Not great for you, sure, but what about others? You’re sick again, so they have to cover for you or even take care of you. They have to alter plans because you can no longer go anywhere.
You can say it doesn’t matter or not care – they can figure it out. There comes a point when they won’t want to help out anymore. There’s only so much Stoicism can do before the added weight of your absence breaks the person down. Eventually, they may grow to resent you and move on. They’ll stop including you or even caring.
It may seem harsh, but with enough pressure, anyone can break. I want to get it through to you that your health and wellbeing affects more than yourself. If not for yourself, do it for those in your circle. Think of the people who depend on you at work, school, your friendships, and family. You can keep making your choices and dealing with the repercussions, but you’re now aware of your impact on others.
Make better choices because you’ll feel better and perform better. Do it for you first and foremost, but if that’s not enough motivation, think of those around you. Think of the choices that affect others.
April 24, 2023
You Never Regret the Workout
You never regret the workout. You only regret the times you chose not to do the work.
It’s happened to all of us – we wake up, we’re tired, cranky, and don’t want to go to the gym. We decide to go back to sleep, only to wake up more fatigued and later regretting our laziness. “Why didn’t I just go to the gym?!” you ask yourself.
This happened to me this morning, but while coming up with excuses, I realized where this would lead. None of my excuses were enough to justify skipping the gym and I knew that if I went, I’d be happy I did. So I went and that’s what happened.
You never regret going to the gym. It feels good and you know you’re doing something to improve your health and wellbeing. It’s the same with most, if not all your habits. It’s hard to regret something you know is beneficial. The struggle is overcoming the excuses you tell yourself before acting.
When you make the healthy choices for long enough, you start realizing how doing the opposite makes you feel less than ideal. The healthy choice becomes easier because the alternative leads to poor thoughts, lower energy, bloating, and so many other negatives. It takes realizing this to discover how hard it is to regret making good choices.
You may say, “Damn, I wish I had eaten that pizza. It looked so good!” or “I could’ve done work instead of going to the gym.” but you’ll still be glad you made the choice you did. You’d later regret eating another slice of pizza, skipping the gym again, watching another episode of TV, whatever. You can still do these things, but you have to do the healthy shit first.
Schedule your gym time, eat your healthy foods, do your passionate work, read your 10 pages, do all the good shit. Only after that can you consider doing the alternative. It’s likely you won’t want to do those things because you already feel so energized and productive.
You never regret the workout. You will not regret doing the tough work and making the healthy choice. Regret comes when you don’t do it. Overcome your excuses and realize how much better you’ll feel once you complete the task.
April 21, 2023
Resisting Laziness – How Routine Can Make Life Easier
Resisting laziness has become a challenge. After only a couple weeks of working long days, I completely understand the desire to do nothing and eat junk after work. It’s only when your habits and discipline are put to the test that you’re able to grow and improve.
It makes sense, I’m tired and lazy after work, so I want to do the easy things. I’ve been working all day, why can’t I just watch TV and eat snacks for the rest of the night?
I’ve said it before, the easy thing is rarely the best thing. It’s easy to do nothing, to eat shitty foods, to look at your phone, etc. If you want to improve, you can’t make the easy choices the automatic and go-to choice. Improvement comes from breaking a routine and habit and choosing to be better, then doing it consistently.
This is why I love routines because then there are few questions and choices I need to make in order to be healthy. I go to the gym the same days and times, I cook the same meals and meal prep some, I read each morning and night before bed. When you form routines and limit the number of choices you have to make, your ability to succeed becomes easier. Resisting laziness becomes easier because the healthy choice is easier.
We all want the better choice to be the easy one, but it rarely is. If you desire improvement, start questioning your daily choices and routines. Make yourself a plan to limit your choices and make the healthy ones easier. You can still enjoy the less healthy pleasures, but they’ll be even more enjoyable in moderation.
April 17, 2023
Shift Your Perspective – Learning to See the Positives
How can you learn to view the bright side of every event? What does it take to shift your perspective from the initial negative response to a more positive one?
Every so often, we have a busy day at work. For some reason, everyone comes to get coffee at the same time. It can grow frustrating after a while. It becomes difficult to clean up, brew new coffees, or catch a breath.
When a manager comes by to see how we’re doing, we say “Busy”. When I say it’s busy, I say it out of annoyance. But then the manager hits me with the, “That’s good!” and I’m left questioning my grievances.
Sure it can be nice to have a slower shift with few interactions with customers, but being busy means the shop is doing well. This interaction with management shows that there’s a different perspective I could be incorporating. This is true with most occurrences in life.
There’s almost always an ability to look at the bright side. Every situation can have a silver lining but we often fail to pursue it. It’s often easier to take an event as it first appears to us – good or bad – then dwell on it when it’s bad. Sometimes we want to be crabby and for people to commiserate with us, but that doesn’t feel as good as the alternative.
Gratitude and leading with positivity feels much better. These emotions can propel us forward and feel better while doing it. All it takes is learning to shift your perspective. It takes overcoming an initial sense of annoyance, negativity, and frustration so you can instead view it in positive light.
Try catching yourself the next time you’re feeling negativity towards an event. See if you can view it logically and consider it more positively.
April 14, 2023
Stay the Course – A Helpful Reminder to Keep Going
This is your reminder to stay the course.
Have you ever received the exact reminder you needed to continue on your path? I did the other day and I couldn’t be more grateful for the experience.
The past few days were rough and it’s all because of Tik Tok comments. No matter how much preemptive thought I do to mentally prepare for rudeness, when it actually happens, it ruins me. The cynicism of people and utter lack of compassion is astounding. I understand people have their opinions and want to fight for their voice to be heard, but it doesn’t always come across as open-minded and respectful. I’ll say this too – I’m sick of people mocking my glasses! I am aware I have poor eyes, thank you.
No matter how hard I tried, the comments got the best of me and altered my mood for the worst. It reached a point where I didn’t open the app for two days and I’m considering never reading any comment moving forward, The negativity brought on thoughts of why I continue doing this and whether or not the few good interactions justify putting up with the bad ones.
Then life sent my reminder to stay the course.
It’s actually the first time I was recognized in public for my Tik Tok. I felt very Gary Vaynerchuk-esque. This individual told me how he found my account a few days prior and found my videos inspiring and helpful. They said the topics make for interesting conversations in their friend group.
I was honestly awestruck. I didn’t know what to say, I was so full of surprise, joy, and appreciation. This two minute interaction made me forget all the negativity and any questioning my brain was doing. From their words alone, I know I’m on the right path.
The content I produce attempts to inspire. My hope is to get people thinking and questioning their habits and beliefs as a way to improve all areas of their life. To hear just one person tell me my content is doing that for them, I know it’s all worth it. If there’s one, there’s likely more and maybe I just haven’t found them yet.
So to the person who gave me the reminder and motivation I needed, thank you. I cannot express how grateful I am to have met you and chatted with you. You truly made a massive difference in my mindset right when I needed it most. I wish you the best and only hope I can continue producing beneficial content for you and people just like you.
April 10, 2023
Your Excuses are Ridiculous – Put the Toilet Seat Down
Please, put the toilet seat down! Stop making bullshit excuses and just do what needs to be done.
I saw a video of a husband saying why it’s more efficient to leave the toilet seat up. “It saves time and effort for both of us” he says. Shut up, dude. Put the damn seat down. It’s really not difficult.
While this video may have been a joke, I know there are guys out there who agree and think this way. I also know that there are people who follow this exact thought process for their own self-improvement. The cycle of needing to improve, making excuses, then not improving has to stop.
No excuse should stop you from doing something today and every day from this point forward – minus major catastrophes that render you incapable. If you know you need to improve, then the weather, your emotions, your schedule, and any excuse cannot prevent consistent progress.
If you’re too tired to do a full workout, do some pushups and squats at home. It’s raining? Do a HIIT routine inside. You don’t want to cook? Don’t head to McDonalds, find something healthier. No time to read? Then why are you on your phone?
It’s not that we don’t have the time, it’s more often that we’re not making the time. I firmly believe there is always enough energy in you to do something today, but we often think doing the bare minimum isn’t enough to be worth it at all. But it is. So if not one thing, do something else. If you know this happens frequently, then prepare for it.
Audit your time, meal prep, schedule the important things, have workouts ready no matter the weather… just stay consistent.
Stop making excuses and start putting the damn toilet seat down.
April 7, 2023
Braden Bales: “Overnight Success” – How to Persevere and Win
Braden Bales has proven that It only takes one thing to drastically change everything for you. Hard work and consistency can and will pay off.
I hate posting Tik Toks. It’s time consuming, I rarely achieve results, people are mean, and constantly thinking of ideas is tiring. It feels like growing on Tik Tok has become the new Rat Race.
The issue I have is that I know the more I post, the more likely something big can come from it. The more I put out, the more eyes see it. It’s just hard to find motivation to do that when every video gets no more than 400 views while it seems like everyone else gets millions.
But this post is about something amazing that happened this week for another creator. Braden Bales is an immensely talented musician I interviewed a while back. For the past year, he’s been producing bop after bop and slowly growing his audience. I’ve been watching and wishing for his success and finding it annoying when he wasn’t getting views and follows.
But this week, a fairly large Tik Tok page discovered Braden and dueted a video he posted. From there, multiple people have been seeing, dueting, and following Braden. As of writing this, Braden is at 99.6K (Update: 267k) followers when just last week he was at 30K.
I am so freaking excited for Braden because he’s been putting in the work and producing amazing content. This is so well deserved and I only hope it continues from here.
So to tie it back to my posting habits and maybe even yours – post more content about what you love. Post content with less thought and worry. All it takes is one chance occurrence to skyrocket your progress. One person can share your video and change your life. So while it may be tough right now and annoying as hell, try your best to push though. You never know who’s watching and listening.
April 3, 2023
3 Easy Ways to Practice Presence
Present state awareness is the ability to focus fully on how you feel in this moment. It’s the opportunity to check in with your senses and also drop your attachment to them. By developing this skill, you can more easily notice the sensations a situation elicits within you and catch yourself before letting thoughts take over.
This blog idea came to me at this gym this morning. I was trying to come up with some “easy” ways to practice presence. A lot of the time people bring up meditation, but I wanted quicker, everyday methods. I realized you don’t have to sit and meditate in order to practice mindfulness and presence. The practice to me is bringing an act to your attention, not performing it habitually, then seeing how you react and feel.
The first method I tried out was dishes. I wash dishes every day and never considered a need to alter methods or think about the task more deeply. As I was filling the sink with soap and water, I decided to let the water flow without my involvement. Typically, I move the faucet around to distribute the bubbles evenly, but this time I stopped myself. I just watched.
I had thoughts of wanting to change the flow. There were feelings of needing to involve myself. I had similar anxiety-driven tightness in my chest as a single mound of bubbles formed under the faucet but not throughout the sink. But as I continued to watch, I tried my best to do just that – watch.
This is a strange example, but it’s an everyday occurrence for me and a quick way to practice presence and removing my thoughts from the event. I was telling myself to get involved, but I didn’t act on it. I believed my involvement would help the process, but I let it play out naturally. A simple act of filling the sink focused my attention and lead to my noticing sensations but not letting them take over.
Another daily occurrence is phone usage. No matter what I’m doing, there comes the urge to pick up my phone and check it for new notifications. To practice presence I simply don’t pick it up. Instead, I sit with the thoughts and sensations that initial urge brings about. There’s a weird feeling when you go against what your brain wants to do. For me it’s a heavy feeling in my chest and thoughts like “I wonder if anyone texted me.” But you quickly realize the urge was out of boredom. You don’t acually need to check your phone, especially not as often as you do. So next time you want to pick it up, don’t.
Third is hearing a song but not singing. If I’m at the gym, I lip sync songs I love and if I’m home alone, I sing them aloud. So today I played a favorite song but just listened. There was another strange feeling of going against my typical habit, but I just sat with it and tried listening. There was still that attachment to the song as I repeated the lyrics in my head, but I tried removing that too. It was an interesting experience in removing myself and my thoughts from what was happening.
I don’t know if these examples will resonate with you like they do me, but I wanted to share. There are instances in your everyday life when you can stop acting habitually and emotionally then try just being there instead. You don’t always have to be involved, you don’t have to act on urges, you don’t have to attach your ego. Find ways to practice presence in your own life. Learn to sit with the thoughts and sensations instead of doing what you always do.
February 27, 2023
Temperance – Enjoy Unhealthy Foods More by Not Eating Them
When you understand that the things you put in your body become your fuel and building blocks of your being, temperance becomes easier.
Of the four Stoic virtues, I think I practice and understand Temperance the best. Temperance is all about self-control and being able to turn down short-term gains and pleasures.
They say “You are what you eat”, but I don’t think we truly take this to heart. You are quite literally built by the food and drinks you put into your body. Everything you consume is broken down to it’s components and used to build more cells and fuel your days. Do you want to be thrive on grease or vegetables?
I’m not here to say I’m the healthiest person because I’m not. I do try, however, to make healthy choices and practice temperance. Through my self-awareness journey, I’ve paid attention to how foods and drinks affect my mind and body. From doing this over the past few years, abstaining from certain things has become easier.
My college years were full of not so healthy foods and of course alcohol. Throughout those years, I didn’t think I felt unhealthy. I got hangovers and stomachaches from eating too much, but I figured that was normal. It wasn’t until attempting veganism that I discovered how great food can make you feel.
To keep it short and simple, good food makes you feel good. You’ll feel light, alert, and energized. When you’ve experienced that for a bit then go back to old ways, you notice the difference quickly. In doing this, it’s easier to refrain from the things that make me feel like shit.
Temperance at this stage of my life is drinking alcohol once every few weeks. It’s eating mostly vegan, with some cheat meals and snacks. Temperance is going to bed and waking up early even on days off. I try straying away from the habits that I know lead to my feeling shitty but I enjoy those things here and there. Then when I do and inevitably feel awful after, it’s easy to go back to healthier habits.
Fuel your body with what it needs to thrive. Determine the foods that make you feel great and throw away those that do the opposite. Refrain from alcohol and choose water just to realize how you can feel when fully hydrated. Once you know what makes you feel your best, it’s easy to stay away from the things that don’t, but it’s also possible to still enjoy them.
February 24, 2023
Shifting Priorities – What Will You Focus On?
My priorities are shifting and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
ETT Coffee is officially up and running now that I’ve begun taking orders for free samples. So far, I’ve received 35 orders and I’m thrilled and so grateful. With this rush of support, I’m discovering how much work is necessary. I’ve been figuring out logistics, driving back and forth, filling bags, folding boxes, printing labels, posting tik toks…
But you know what I haven’t been doing? Writing blogs, reading, or most of the other activities I was doing prior to launch. I’m realizing my priorities are shifting and it’s gonna be necessary to pivot a little in order to pursue my coffee venture.
It’s hard to switch my mindset from writing blogs each day, to writing them more infrequently and producing fewer each month. It’s tough not being able to sit down and read after work because I have orders to fulfill. Changing my whole routine and optimizing it further is far from easy or ideal right now, but it’s necessary.
With anything you do for long enough, it takes time and effort to break out of it – habits, routines, mindsets, etc. Just because it’s challenging doesn’t mean you get to not do it. If the new priorities and routines are more beneficial than the old, the effort is necessary.
I can choose to continue blogging to the same capacity, read the same amount, watch tik tok for just as long, and do everything the same as before, but to add coffee into that is a quick path to burnout. You have to realize what’s truly important to you and determine the capacity at which you can progress with each. It may not be as much or often as before the addition of this new priority, but doing something is better than nothing.
I view my priorities as a list and with the addition of ETT Coffee, I see the list shuffling around. ETT Coffee is a major goal for me, so it requires major attention. Of course I want to blog, podcast, and read, but choices have to be made. I can still do everything, it’ll just be at different capacities and that’s ok.
Determine what’s important to you, where your priorities lie, and how you want to spend your time. Be open to new routines because you never know when your priorities will shift.
February 22, 2023
Grunt Work – You’re Not Better Than Anyone or Any Job
No one wants the “grunt work”, but that’s the work that we all need.
“I don’t like work – no man does – but I like what is in the work, the ability to find yourself.” ~Joseph Conrad from Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday.
Work is tough sometimes. It’s not always exactly what you want to be doing. I don’t think anyone wants to deal with rude people, clean a kitchen for 3 hours, make 100 phone calls a day, etc. No one wants these things, but each can teach us more about ourselves.
If we want to improve and discover who we are versus who we want to be, we need work. These jobs and tasks show us what we’re capable of, what we’re good at, and also what needs work. The menial can show you your level of patience, your attention to detail, ability to analyze and adapt, and much more. If you’re struggling with something, work can bring it to the forefront of your attention.
You have to be able to notice and accept the traits hard work presents. Work will show you where you excel and where you can improve. It’s important to be humble with your talents, never cocky, but also open to admitting you have flaws. There’s nothing wrong with having flaws, but there is a problem with not doing anything about them.
So with whatever “grunt work” you’re committing time to, use it to find yourself. It may not be easy or ideal, but it’s not below you. Work is necessary and will show you a lot about who you are, what you enjoy, what you don’t, and where you can improve. Don’t ignore it. Do the work to the best of your ability and continue improving along the way.
February 18, 2023
Humble Beginnings – Start Small to Make it Big
“Greatness comes from humble beginnings, it comes from grunt work. It means you’re the least important person in the room – until you change that with results.” ~Ryan Holiday, Ego is the Enemy
This quote resonated with me because I’m at the start of a, hopefully, long process of starting a coffee business. My beginnings aren’t flashy or super exciting to anyone looking in, but I think that’s what I want.
I want this to work, so I’m taking it slowly, but progressing no less. My plan continues to be taking it one step at a time. To analyze results, learn from mistakes and successes, then move to the next step when I’m ready. It’s not as exciting as people make it out to be, but for me, it’s everything.
I’ve never been one to accept compliments well and now is no different. I don’t even like writing blogs about my progress because it feels braggadocios. When someone tries ETT Coffee and says it’s delicious, or the smoothest they’ve ever had, I can’t help but think they’re lying. They’re just trying to make me feel good, right?
In part, I believe this is my attempt at not letting small wins go to my head. I don’t want to think everything I’m doing is perfect. If I do, I may stop trying so hard and analyzing better options. I realize I have a long way to go to reach my goals. Knowing this means I can’t be blinded by early victories.
Of course I’m grateful for all the support I’ve received, but I’m trying not to take that to mean I’m done. I think it’s important to be humble throughout the process of doing anything big, but especially so in the early stages.
If you let early victories go to your head, you may never achieve big results. You may let your ego rule and make decisions that don’t align with your original goals. Your ego craves money, attention, easiness, and success, so you’ll start making decisions based on those things. But staying humble allows you to see the bigger picture, the larger vision. From there, you continue making decisions that put you closer to that destination, even if they’re not easy.
So start small and stay humble. Be grateful for early wins, but never allow them to obscure your focus. You have so much to achieve. Objectives much bigger than just you, so keep to the path and don’t let anything push you off course.
Blinded By Anger – See the Good Around You
Don’t be blinded by anger or allow annoyance to distract you from seeing the good happening in front of you. This may be less than ideal, but there’s something to be grateful for.
A coworker called in sick and I was left to fend for myself. Of course it wasn’t a slow day, but one with multiple rushes and tasks to complete. These are the moments that test my patience and presence the most. I have yet to crack the code, but I’m aware of my choices and how I can improve.
My frustration was high in the moment. I was tired of taking and making orders. It felt like I couldn’t catch up or even take a breath. I grew curt with customers, lost my attention to detail and methods, and didn’t perform to the best of my ability. I was overrun with negative emotions and they blinded me from seeing the good in that moment.
On multiple occasions, a fellow employee came to assist me. They helped take care of customers while I did background work. They helped alleviate the pressure and make everything run more smoothly. But my negativity prevented me from being grateful in the moment.
In hindsight I was grateful, but I never even said thank you. I shut down and went aloof when I should’ve been appreciative and used those feelings to bring me back to my normal self. Even when they were helping me, I acted like I was alone and all the work was on me when it wasn’t.
You can’t be blinded by anger and let it prevent you from seeing the good that’s in front of you. There are moments when you’re stressed, but you have to try moving past that and realizing there’s something to be grateful for. Do your job well in every moment and if you are stressed, try to be aware of the good still happening in front of you.
February 15, 2023
Separating Ideas From People – How to Learn From Everyone
Is the act of separating ideas from people beneficial or right? Are we able to learn something from somebody that is known for saying shitty things or making poor choices?
I have a habit of removing the voice from the individual. An idea is a separate entity from the person who said it. If I hear a quote that resonates with me or promotes further consideration, I don’t care who said it. Why can’t I take this quote by Jordan Peterson – “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – and ponder it just because I don’t agree with a lot of his other opinions?
That quote is thought provoking. It encourages reflection and encourages me to use self-awareness to apply it to my own life. What’s so wrong with that?
Ok, I lied to you… That quote is from Marcus Aurelius, not Jordan Peterson. And this is what confuses me – there’s an entire group of people who’d hear that quote, thinking it was Jordan Peterson, and thus ignore it. But that same group, if informed the quote was from Marcus Aurelius, would listen and ponder. I don’t understand that!
I agree, bad people do not deserve attention. Shitty mindsets should not be spread. I think the differentiator is being able to understand this isn’t the only perspective or opinion. You need to be able to take each idea individually, consider multiple opposing angles, and then do your own self reflection.
To me, hearing ideas from others can be beneficial even if you don’t agree with most of what they say and do. You don’t have to attach deeper conditions to a quote and completely ignore it just because they said it. There’s no harm in learning from people you don’t agree with. I’m not saying you have to agree, but I think it’s important to listen.
Learning happens in your own mind. The decisions you make based on what you hear are what is important. Having the ability to hear someone out, without letting your ego and opinions get in the way, is a beneficial skill. Take their ideas, filter it through the logical part of the brain, not the emotional. You can learn from everyone, just know it isn’t the only opinion. Try separating ideas from people.
February 13, 2023
Find Your Why – Make Every Choice Easier
I recently finished reading Start With Why by Simon Sinek and it has me thinking about my choices related to business and “passive income”. How can you find your Why and only pursue what matters most?
The whole concept of the book is that successful businesses start by sharing their Why. They express the reasons for existing and the What and How come after. For instance, Apple’s Why is to be innovative. To inspire creatives to change the world. Apple’s What is the products they sell and their How is all the ways they do so.
Throughout the book, I considered my own Why, not only for ETT but for me. I think my Why is to live a fulfilled life. A life full of happiness, pursuing passions and hobbies, limited wasted time, and learning. My Why is to live life outside of the mundane and I want other people to do the same. There’s a lot to pursue and a lot to experience, so why waste our time away?
By considering my Why, I believe all my pursuits make sense for me. The podcast, blog, art, and ETT Coffee. Each of these uniquely attempts to spread this message of doing more in order to live a fulfilled life. The podcast shares stories of people who are exploring hobbies, the blog shares my mistakes, successes, and thoughts along my own journey, ETT Coffee fuels the motivation of passionate people, and my art is my own hobby.
This explains why I choose not to explore many alternative endeavors, specifically business related ones. It makes sense why I don’t invest time in learning copywriting, become a social media manager, flip houses, create low content books, start dropshipping, etc.
I don’t pursue these things because they don’t adequately scratch the itch that is my Why. These pursuits focus more on money and less on my own personal passions. I don’t want to invest my time in something I don’t really care about. Sure it’d be nice to have passive income and worry less about bills, but the investment doesn’t justify the reward to me.
Simon Sinek said the Why is sometimes hard to explain because it’s more of a feeling. Sometimes we’re just drawn to certain things because they resonate with us. That’s how I feel with these pursuits I don’t pursue. They don’t feel right to me. But what I do choose to pursue feel right.
Find your Why, the driving force for your actions. From there, focus on the What and How. Do whatever it takes to spread your Why and live it as often as you can. Refrain from investing too much time into those things that fall outside of it.
February 10, 2023
Life’s Tests – Acquiring New Skills and Methods
If you ask the Universe for patience, it does not give you patience. It gives you the tests necessary to develop patience on your own. ~Morgan Freeman, I think… Life’s tests will develop the person you want to be.
Whatever you believe in, God, the Universe, a higher power, whatever, when you ask for the ability to improve, you will be tested, not simply handed the ability. If you desire the patience to manage rude customers, you won’t immediately gain patience tomorrow. Wishing for the strength to be there for a friend in need doesn’t come automatically. The hope of a healthier lifestyle doesn’t happen just because you hope.
Any improvement comes from facing the obstacles that prevent the improvement from happening. Healthy choices don’t become easy overnight, they take time to develop. You’ll be put to the test every day and it’s up to you to choose that which helps you progress. Patience doesn’t form haphazardly, it comes from interacting with those people who elicit your feelings of impatience and your choice to stay present.
Any habit is formed with time and tests. If it came easily, everyone would do it. But, since you’re aware enough to know you’re doing something less than adequately, you have the ability to not resent, but wish for life’s tests. You’re able to wish for a skill and recognize when it’s put to the test, then make the choice to train the muscle.
It would be nice to develop these habits overnight, but that’s not how it works. So when you wish to be better, be prepared to be challenged. Be grateful for each opportunity to break old ways and try new methods. Be thankful because these moments create the person you want to become.
February 8, 2023
Rude Yesterday, Nice Today – Are You a Good Person?
Do past good deeds counteract wrongs in the present? It seems that some believe that being kind in the past should outweigh a failure to do so in the present and should be met with forgiveness. I’m not so sure about that.
I’ve realized recently how little I reflect on the past when dealing with people in the present. Typically, the actions of the person from yesterday do not alter how I treat you today. If you’re good 5 days in a row, but then on the 6th you do something rude, I’ll respond accordingly. Or if you’re rude for a week straight, but today you’re super nice, I’ll respond accordingly.
I try to live in the present moment as much as possible. I realize living in the past causes depression and living in the future causes anxiety. So if I’m constantly thinking of the mistakes of others from yesterday, I’ll be blind to their actions today. Of course all the moments I’ve shared with you will be in my mind. There’s an emotional bank account with everyone you interact with. The skill I try to attain is the ability to forget past misdeeds and be good to everyone in the present.
I don’t necessarily believe doing some good deeds in the past allow you to be an asshole today. Your past actions don’t counteract your present ones. At the same time, past kindness makes it easier to forgive and empathize when someone acts callously. Like if your best friend insults you, you don’t up and forget the past 5 years of friendship and walk away forever – you work through it.
So yes, past choices have an affect on present circumstances but they do not allow you to act however you want. Nothing makes anger, aggression, and cruelty ok. No amount of service, acts of kindness, or friendship should completely cancel out and allow for negative actions now. You cannot spit hate then say “I’ve done a lot for you.” and assume that makes it forgivable.
You decide what’s forgivable based on your interactions and emotional bank account with that person. The past doesn’t guarantee similar events in the present, but it can help determine how you should progress from here. Don’t feel pressured to forgive simply because someone is nice right now, but try to take every moment with presence and patience.
February 6, 2023
Where do Your Priorities Lie?
You can see where a person’s priorities lie not by their words but with their actions. Never feel compelled to prove yourself through words, but show your truth by acting on it daily.
I’ve been considering money a lot in the past couple weeks after posting a tik tok on the topic. The comments that fueled my thoughts were those stating I was jealous of the wealthy and lying to myself. It’s funny how these random people on the internet know me more than I know myself!
With consideration I realized, I don’t have any reason to argue with these people. There’s no need for me to prove where my priorities lie. My focus isn’t on making a ton of money or living lavishly. I know this and commenting on tik tok will not prove this to anyone.
Words do not prove anything. Actions do.
If money was my driving force, do you think I’d be a barista? Do you truly believe I’d be struggling to balance two part time jobs? Would I be using my free time to write blogs, record podcasts, and build a small coffee business? If I was truly driven by money, do you think I’d be making any of these choices?
There are a lot of actions I could be taking if I wanted to make money. Learning high income skills, working in sales, starting a passive business online, etc. But I’m not doing those things.
My priorities lie in my personal happiness and living a fulfilling life. My focus is on investing time in what I enjoy and building something bigger than myself. I want to inspire others to pursue hobbies and passions and live their own fulfilling life. Money doesn’t matter that much to me because I realize I only need enough to be comfortable. I know that’s possible to do even if I focus on the things I enjoy.
Forget trying to prove yourself to people by arguing your perspectives online. The best way to show what truly matters to you is to act. Be the person you know you are and do what you know to be true. Your daily choices show where your priorities lie.
February 3, 2023
To the Best of Your Ability
If you have to do something, make sure you do it to the best of your ability.
I’ve begun my second job and I’ve been training the past few weeks. There’s a lot to learn in order to help in the kitchen, at the bar, and at the espresso machine. Now, if it were up to me, I’d lock myself to the coffee station and never leave. But the job entails floating around the shop.
The past two shifts were spent in the kitchen, cleaning and closing. They were slow nights, giving me time to complete all the tasks, but it still took the entire shift. There was a part of me that didn’t want to be doing this. I thought, “I want to make coffee, not clean the kitchen!” but this is what I signed up for.
I’m not someone who half-asses a job, even if it’s not ideal. Even when I had a sales job, I worked through my grievances and tried my best to do well. So I thought about this more. I realized, since I have to clean the kitchen, I should do it to the best of my ability.
I love thinking analytically, coming up with new methods, and finding efficient procedures. Cleaning the kitchen is tedious if you want to do it well, but there are always ways to improve. So I took advantage of asking myself the right questions and let my brain ponder “How can I do these tasks better/ more efficiently?’
You may not always be doing exactly what you want to be doing, but that shouldn’t mean you stop trying your best. To be someone who has work ethic, tries their best, and takes on every task, you cannot pick and choose your moments. Possessing these qualities means acting on them whenever they’re put to the test, not just when you feel like it.
If you find yourself in a scenario that’s less than ideal, but necessary to endure, endure it with the same attitude you would with something you love. Do everything to the best of your ability and never stop trying to improve your methods. The task may be annoying, tedious, or boring, but you have the power to perform it well and prove you’re someone who does what’s necessary.
February 1, 2023
Being Happy With What You Have
It’s not that I don’t want those things, it’s simply that I don’t need them to be happy. Wouldn’t you rather be grateful for what you have, no matter how little, than be constantly chasing something you may never receive?
I really gotta stop posting tik toks about money… This time, the comments led to a lot of thoughts on my level of desire for money and other things. It’s amusing to me how some people just cannot fathom the ability to not desire wealth. They feel the only logical explanation for my claims is that I’m jealous and a hater. They believe I secretly crave money and fame because everyone does.
Stoicism and living my life has taught me a lot of important lessons. One lesson being the ability to curb desire and be happy with my present circumstances. I won’t lie to you, of course it would be wonderful to have enough money to never worry about anything ever again. I would love to be in a loving relationship with someone special. I’d be thrilled to have my own apartment, have friends all around me, and so many other things. But I don’t have all these things and that fact doesn’t steal my happiness.
I don’t sit and dwell on the fact that I don’t have the exact life I desire. My days aren’t me just fuming because I don’t have a girlfriend, millions of dollars, or my own business. I am happy where I am now because that’s a better feeling than desiring more. I have a lot to be grateful for right now even if it’s not exactly where I’d like to be.
This is the difference I think those commenters aren’t understanding. You can be happy where you are even if you’re not fully set and stable. People can be happy and be single. You can be perfectly proud working a 9-5 and saving a little money. It is possible and beneficial to look at your present state, accept it, and love it. If you desire more, work towards it, but never let it ruin your life in this moment.
You can choose to be happy right now with everything you have. That doesn’t mean you can’t desire more and work hard. It means you shouldn’t let those desires distract you from gratitude in the present moment.
January 30, 2023
How to Get Lucky
Do you ever look back on your life and consider how lucky you were? Like some things played out so perfectly, you never could’ve predicted it? Some people call it luck, but if you learn to control it and make your own luck, it ceases to be known as that.
I’ve thought a lot about luck in the past couple years. I often reflect on my past and realize a lot of moments played out better than I could’ve hoped. I was lucky to start my second job now because my first will probably not be here much longer. Luck placed me in Binghamton when it did and gave me an amazing group of friends.
When I look back at all these moments of luck, I wonder if it was that at all. I’ve started to see luck as a more controllable force – something that’s not random or hard to come by. My thought is that luck comes when you know the path you’re meant to be taking. Luck happens when you move with intention and know what you’re working towards.
With my love of coffee and desire to pursue it came two jobs, contact with a roasting partner, a trip to Oregon, and many opportunities for my own business to grow. Yes, there were a lot of obstacles, but the “lucky” moments still came through.
When you have an idea of where you want to go, you’re more open to and aware of opportunities. It’s like when you buy a new car then start seeing the same model everywhere. Your focus has shifted and you’re more tuned in. When you have a goal, you take more avenues that could lead to the next step. With enough time and attempts, luck comes naturally.
The benefit of having direction is that failures and mistakes rarely weigh on your mind. You can do everything wrong on your path towards your goal, but when that “luck” strikes, none of it will matter. Everyone will assume you just got lucky, but you’ll know it was always meant to be.
Luck comes from effort and time. You have to align yourself towards something – some version of yourself that’s better than you are now. When you know where you need to go, you need to start making steps towards that point. With the intention of being better and achieving something, luck will happen naturally. It’s important to enjoy each moment too. Even when you slip up, remember it’s all a part of accomplishing your goals.
Start creating your own luck. Pick a direction for yourself and start making moves. Luck will show soon enough.
January 27, 2022
A Strike to the Ego
I’ve gained awareness of moments when I grow angry. What is it about those situations that propel me to defend myself or fight back? What makes specific topics lead to an emotional response when other things bounce right off me? It seems like my ego is what’s getting in my way.
It’s in moments when I feel attacked that I need to defend – obviously – but why do I feel attacked? There is something about specific topics, phrasings, and points of views that draw the negativity out of me. I’m trying to look deeper into the reactions and discover why they’re happening.
One instance is seeing a tik tok of someone doing or saying something absurd or nonsensical but still receiving thousands of likes and comments. I see a video like this and it pisses me off. Instead of scrolling past, I wonder why that elicited such strong emotions. With deeper consideration I realize it struck my ego, one of my insecurities.
As someone who creates content that tries to inspire people, but receives few views, makes it hard to see a pointless video with millions of views. It strikes this chord in my mind making me feel like I’m wasting my time and energy. Do people really care about what I’m saying or would people rather watch content with no purpose other than quick entertainment?
This practice of looking deeper into these instances can shed light on your insecurities, desires, and hopes. Looking deeper can help you adjust your focus towards the things you personally need to pay attention to.
There’s some reason you respond defensively to some things but not others. Figuring out what these things are and why you do can teach you a lot about yourself. The hard part is preventing your ego from obscuring your logical thoughts and responses.
My hope is that by bringing awareness to these ego-attacks, I can more easily catch them and prevent them from causing the emotional response. I can discover what triggers me, why it does so, and how I can overcome that insecurity or work on that desire.
With my above example, I can realize I feel unheard, like my ideas don’t matter and I can work on changing the narrative in my head. Instead of desiring more views, I can be grateful for the ones I receive. I can continue working on sharing my ideas in different ways to see what sticks. With enough time and repetition of a positive inner dialogue, it’ll become second nature. My ego will no longer feel attacked because I’ll realize there’s a place for my content just like there’s a place for their content.
Try paying attention to the words and events that draw negativity out of you. What do these moments tell you about yourself? Once you discover your deepest insecurities, you can work towards overcoming them.
January 24, 2023
Expensive Hobbies – Spend Money on What Matters
With more thought on money, I’ve come up with an alternate perspective to add to my current thoughts. The past couple posts I wrote on money painted a picture of excessive spending and showing off wealth. My thoughts were that when you have more money than you need, you start buying things you don’t. Money no longer is a tool, but a way to prove your status to others. While I still believe this, there’s an additional part of the puzzle I didn’t consider – expensive hobbies and passions.
While listening to an episode of The Tim Ferriss Podcast, the guest brought up his love for unique, historic watches. For instance, his watch – the Rolex Milgauss – was specifically designed for scientists to withstand exposure to high electromagnetic forces. This hobby of his isn’t cheap, but he’s passionate about it which makes all the difference to me.
I will concede that there are people in the world who have expensive hobbies. I personally do not have the same interests and can’t wrap my head around them, but they could say the same about my hobbies. Just like I choose to spend money on coffee and art, someone else wants to spend money on cologne, clothes, cars, etc.
The differentiator of excessive use of money is the intention behind it. There are people who buy these things because they genuinely love them. People are passionate about niche things and love collecting them. There are also people who do not have a passion or hobby in these purchases and are therefore more likely to buy them for more surface level/ insecure reasons.
I will never tell someone how they should spend their money. If you have a lot of it, do whatever you want. In my eyes, we’re all trying to feel worthy of recognition, feel like we matter, and have some level of success. For some, external validation is necessary to feel those things while others receive it internally. Some feel nice clothes, cars, watches, and houses give them the feelings they crave.
That’s not how I see it and that’s ok. Do whatever makes you happy and motivates you to achieve something bigger than yourself. Just try your best not to let objects ruin your life and destroy your dopamine receptors. Money is a tool. Use it to fund the life you want to live, not one that looks good to someone else.
January 23, 2023
The Perfect Chess Move – Stop Staling and Make a Move
Your desire to make the best choice in this moment, prevents you from progressing in whatever you’re trying to achieve.
There’s a fear that comes with big goals – making mistakes and wrong decisions. This fear cannot prevent you from taking action. If you find yourself staling, trying to make the perfect next move, think about this question:
What is the perfect chess move?
There isn’t one – well, only in a few cases when the choice is obvious. In the majority of cases though, there are many moves a player can make. The only way to determine how good the move was is to see how the game progresses. It’s the same with your self improvement and goals.
Progress brings the need to make choices, adapt, and drop old ways. There will often be times when we don’t know which direction to go in. We know what we’re doing now isn’t adequate, we’re ready for more, or we learn something new. When these moments arise, we cannot let the desire to make the perfect move prevent us from progressing.
Sometimes you will make the perfect chess (life) move, but typically there isn’t a perfect one. There’s no way to know in that moment, so all you can do is use your best judgement and see how it plays out. Make the decision you believe is best in that moment, live with it and see if it helps, if it doesn’t just try something else.
There’s no harm in making the wrong choice as long as you’re willing to ask yourself what you’ve learned then improve from there. You’re always going to have to make choices and improve methods if you want to grow and prevent stagnation. So the next time you have to make a move, weigh your options, choose the one that feels best or makes the most sense, then let life play out.
After that, rinse and repeat.
January 20, 2023
External Validation is Destroying You
What choices are you making in order to receive external validation? Initially you may say “None” but if you consider it more, you may find some things that need change.
After a recent tik tok about my thoughts on money, I’ve been thinking deeply on our desire for material things. The typical point was brought up – some people like to celebrate their success by buying nice watches, cars, etc. Is it true that some people truly enjoy “the finer things” or is there something deeper? Some sense of needing external validation.
As I’ve considered this more deeply, I find it hard to understand it from any other lense than needing validation. I’ll gladly concede that I may be wrong because I know this is simply my unique perspective, but this is how I view it.
I ask myself, “Why would you need to buy a watch to prove you’re successful?” My thought is that people do so because they can, they finally have the money to buy X or Y, so they do. But why do you need a physical thing to prove that/why do you need to prove that? You know more than anyone that you have the money, just look at your bank account! In buying this thing, it’s taking what you know to be true and visually presenting it to the world.
That act of turning your awareness of your own success into an object that others can see is, in my eyes, external motivation. There is some underlying motivation and desire to present your success and ability to afford expensive things. There’s an attachment of nice things to success. There’s an additional weight added to these material things – we’re no longer seeing them for what they actually are.
I’ve talked about the Stoic practice of breaking things down and that fits well into this topic. Any watch you buy does one thing, tells you what time it is. Every house shelters you from the elements. A car gets you from A to B. Do this with anything and you’ll see where you add more weight and meaning to objects.
A “nice” watch still tells time, but the niceness of it does more – it shows other people you spent the money on it. A big house shelters you, but it shows others you can afford it. Fast cars get you from A to B (not faster because of speed limits), but they tell other people you can afford it.
All of these things are externally motivated. There’s no need to attach greater meaning to objects that serve a specific purpose. The addition of price value does not increase the value of the purpose. When you can afford exactly what you need and everything does what it’s supposed to, spending more becomes excessive. As you begin to buy and desire more, it slowly becomes more externally motivated.
You do not need to prove you worth to anyone. There’s no need to prove your success to anyone. You know your worth and you decide you’re successful, not with objects, but with security, happiness, and passion.
January 18, 2023
There’s No Need To Prove Yourself
Why do I feel the need to prove myself to strangers on the internet? Why do I need to defend my beliefs to someone who doesn’t know a damn thing about me?
I hate when someone’s perception of me is something I’m not. For many years, I’ve worked hard to develop the person I am now. I’ve invested a lot of time and energy into Stoicism, financial literature, self improvement, health, and making myself a better person. So when someone tells me I’m something I’m not, it irks me.
I posted a video about money and someone called me jealous of rich people. That’s far from what I am and I know that, but it still pisses me off. Why? Why does my chest tighten when someone disagrees with me or assumes my insecurities incorrectly?
Deep down, I think we all have a desire to gain acceptance from others. We all want to feel our thoughts are important, our creations are worthwhile, and our presence is desired. So when I try so hard to be a good person, a Stoic, patient, and open to alternate perspectives, only for someone to say I’m the opposite, it fuckin hurts.
Aren’t they doing and feeling the same things? The only reason they’re saying anything is because I struck a chord and went against their personal beliefs. They feel the need to fight back, defend their own perspective, and get their voice heard. It takes something powerful to cause someone to comment hatred. There’s something inside them that needs to come out. I can’t fault them for wanting to express themself.
With the desire to share your ideas with the world comes backlash. You cannot pander to everyone’s opinions. There is no way to prove one perspective is better than another and there’s no point in trying.
Share your ideas as long as you’re being true to yourself. If and when someone disagrees, try to realize there’s more to their comment than just their words. There’s an entire life of experience, trauma, and negativity behind that comment. In the end, you’re both trying to feel heard and accepted.
Never let some dummy on the internet tell you who you are or what you believe, determine it for yourself.
January 16, 2023
Money is Unnecessary – A Stoic View of Spending Habits
Money is a tool and once you have enough to pay for the necessities, you really don’t need any more. There’s no reason to chase tens of millions of dollars. Once you reach a certain point, money is unnecessary and you’ll simply start searching for ways to spend it.
This is how I view money now. My viewpoints weren’t always like this and they may change, but I doubt that. I used to believe I needed to make millions and I spent a lot of time in college trying to figure out how I could do so. My belief was that being successful meant I could buy anything, live extravagantly, and travel forever.
Now, after reading and growing a lot, I’ve realized this is not how I want to view money. Money is simply a tool that we need in order to survive. I believe excessive amounts of money is pointless and after a certain point, starts bringing out insecurities in the person who possesses it.
Once you have enough money to pay for your necessities – housing, food, water, bills – everything else is a Want, not a Need. There’s nothing wrong with having Wants, enjoying nice clothes, cars, and food, but I think there is a point where it’s unnecessary.
People don’t buy big homes, fast cars, and expensive clothes to prove to themselves they’re successful. People buy those things to prove it to others. Buying a Rolex isn’t for your pleasure, it’s ultimately so you feel successful in the eyes of other people because in the end, all that shit does is tell the time. What good is a 10 bedroom mansion if you live alone?
Anything more than what’s necessary is not for you, it’s for some other reason. If you have so much money that you spend it just to spend it, you have too much money. Once you can pay for the necessities and fund your hobbies and passions, you can lay back.
You work your entire life to reach this level of “success” so you buy a Rolex? What good is that many years of hardwork if it only amounts to you being able to tell time? Are you happy where you are or are you constantly seeking another trip or purchase?
Once the necessities are covered, your search for the next trip, house, boat, car, watch, etc. are nothing more than a distraction from your deep-seated insecurity, trauma, and need to “prove” something to the world. Your loneliness, anxiety, depression, cynicism, and greed will be there no matter where you go or what you buy.
I believe immense sums of money is unnecessary. But what do I know? I’m just a confused 20-something with no money.
January 13, 2023
What’s the Point of Being a Good Person?
What’s the point of being a good person if you can be an asshole, take advantage of good people, and still get what you want? Why do jerks get the rewards while the good guys have to move along and accept life and all its inconveniences? Maybe there are no benefits to being a good person…
We closed the coffee shop early and it was met with some backlash from customers. Most were courteous, said “No worries”, and moved along. There was however, one particular customer who acted maliciously.
It was a response full of anger, annoyance, blame, and many other negative synonyms. They weren’t happy because they were told we closed at 4, on this day we closed at 1 for staffing complications, so they expressed their discontent.
Why is it that this person can spit hatred at us for a simple inconvenience, be incredibly rude, but then receive incredibly kind customer service from other people in the store? Why does the Bad Guy receive the benefits while the Good Guys receive nothing?
If it were up to me, I would’ve gladly given free coffee to all the customers who kindly understood our conundrum and chose to walk away gracefully. Their simple act of moving along made our lives easier and for that, we were grateful. But they got nothing – the one rude person did. So what’s the point of being a Good Guy if the Bad Guy got what they wanted?
There has to be some underlying, long-term benefit to being good. Something to do with increased cortisol levels in the veins of Bad Guys which causes health complications not shown in Good Guys. I hope there are benefits to being a good person, something that makes continuously moving past inconveniences worthwhile.
To me, it feels better to be good. There’s no tightness in my chest, somersaults in my stomach, shortness of breath, or later regret. Acceptance of fate, while difficult initially, makes me stronger and more resilient. So little hate, anger, and negativity within me is freeing. It has to be better, right?
Bad Guys don’t always get what they want, it may just seem like they do. Even if they’re able to take advantage of the Good Guy and get what they want, the Good Guy wins because they were the better person. They stepped up and helped someone even though they may not have wanted to. That takes immense strength that not many people possess.
Be a Good Guy. We’ll win the battle in the end.
January 11, 2022
Focus On Yourself – Learning To Accept Everyone’s Habits
We each have our own way of doing things. As long as no one is being harmed, let everyone do what they will and you do the same. Focus on yourself and the task at hand.
I believe the way I do my job is optimal. I feel like I perform tasks with analytical intention and consider the most beneficial process for not just me, but others. Here’s the thing though… we all think that.
It’s unlikely someone does their job and thinks, “This is the worst way to do this, but I’m gonna keep doing it.” or “Let’s do this to screw everyone else’s day up!” Each of us acts in ways we believe are best and when someone acts in opposing ways, we grow peeved.
Sometimes, instead of realizing these differences in techniques, we act passive aggressively. We may believe this person is acting out of spite and trying to make us mad. Maybe it’s the optimist in me, but I don’t think that’s the intention of the majority of people.
While one person keeps the workspace clean and tidy as they work, another may find it more efficient to clean in spurts when the mess is more noticeable. One person may respond to emails promptly, while another batches their emails every hour. I pour the espresso over the milk and ice while you pour the espresso first then the milk.
Let them do their job how they want and you focus on yourself and doing it your way. If something they do bothers you, try asking them why they do it that way as opposed to being spiteful and passive aggressive. Hear their side of the story and maybe discover a new way of accomplishing your shared task.
January 9, 2023
Robot Barista – A Lesson On Taking Things Too Seriously
Have you ever been threatened to be replaced by a machine? A robot that can do your job just as well as you? Well, I am right now! The robot barista is coming for me…
There’s a trial run happening where they’re replacing the store’s coffee shop with a machine that makes all the drinks with the touch of a button. If they find it’s more cost-effective… bye-bye Barista Bryce! So does this freak me out? What does this mean for my long-term goals of owning a coffee shop?
To be honest, I’m not too concerned. In part, that’s because I have a second job to fall back on should my store opt for the robot barista. On top of that, I believe there will always be a demand for human baristas – the interaction you receive in the morning when you get your coffee. Sure, some people just want efficiency so they can caffeinate quickly, but others love the people involved.
This possibility of a Coffee Coup is teaching me to just enjoy what I have now. Who cares if my schedule sucks this week, if it’s ridiculously busy, if one person is rude, or if anything goes wrong? Why take this so seriously when in the end, what I’ll miss most is the good things.
If this particular job goes robotic, then so be it! Looking back, I won’t think of the trivial grievances I once had. I’m going to miss the regulars, the happiness people have when I remember their order, all the employees who stop by, and my coworkers.
You never know what the future holds for your life. One day you may be replaced by a robot, so try to take things a little less seriously today.
January 6, 2023
Nobody Cares About Your Hobbies – Forming Friendships on Social Media
What do you think is more important – having a ton of fans or having just enough people who love you for who you are and want to support you?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot the past few months. As I’ve scrolled on tik tok and realized just how many creatives there are in this world. Every other video I see is another musician, artist, entrepreneur, or someone trying to share their ideas. How can anyone possibly stand out in this immense sea of talent?
You don’t have to – at least, that’s how I see it. There appears to be a switch from liking what a person creates to instead liking the person first then the creation. It’s no longer just the music that speaks to us, it’s the person singing. The blog topic doesn’t matter if I don’t know who you are.
The creation isn’t as important until they know who you are. You could have a bop of a song, but if I scroll to your video and I have no affiliation, I probably won’t stop. It’s the same with any content.
There may be tricks to grab a person’s attention, i.e. hooks, moving pictures, text on screen, etc. however, you want people to not only listen, but to hear and see your other creations. To do that, you need to be someone they care about.
In this “new world” of social media, especially tik tok, where we’re bombarded with new creatives every day, you have to stand out. The best way to do that is to show people who you are, not just exhibit your creations. Share your story, hobbies, fears, process, and mistakes. Be yourself and let people decide if they want to see more from you.
Much like meeting new people and starting friendships, not everyone you meet will be a lifelong friend. Form connections with the few people who truly enjoy your content and your personality. These are the ones who will want to support you in your creative endeavors.
Focus on sharing yourself first, then share your creations.
January 4, 2022
ChatGPT and the Demise of Creativity
What makes something unique or creative? Does it all have to do with the person making it? Is creativity the ability to form an idea and turn it into something real? With the slow rise of technology and AI, is there any point in creating our own works?
I discovered this new AI called ChatGPT. It’s an AI that can take any prompt you give it and relay information back to you. This can be anything from writing full segments of code, coming up with video scripts, designing bedrooms, writing poetry, and so much more. I can’t even begin to grasp the innumerable applications for ChatGPT.
Just from messing around with it, this has me questioning creativity and where we’re going to go from here. If I can tell an AI to write a blog about habit formation and it does, what good is my voice? For musicians who have writers block, what’s stopping them from feeding ChatGPT prompts and having it write a catchy verse?
Is there any reason for anyone to try being creative anymore? Should all the writers, musicians, artists, etc. simply ask the AI? Why waste our time and energy forming new ideas? Why write our own longwinded articles, develop apps on our own time, or do anything creative?
This is something I have to consider more because I have yet to find clarity. I need to ponder the capabilities of ChatGPT and see where human creations differ. What makes our work unique, special, and worth producing? There has to be something, right?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this as I continue pondering the implications, so please comment below, DM, or reach out however you can!
January 2, 2023