If you were to be the version of the person you wanted to be, how would you act? How is that different than what you’re doing now and what do you have to do to bridge the gap?
In an earlier post I wrote, Loneliness Rant, I went into my unexpected anxiety in response to a girl. I’ve read a few books on relationships, attachment styles, and the like and I always assumed I was a secure attachment style. I was quickly proven wrong as the anxiety and overthinking consumed my days. I found myself constantly looking or distractions to prevent myself from thinking about the situation. I’m slowly working past that, but there are rough days.
Today I was considering how I could make this easier for myself. Is there a way for me to speed up the process of acceptance but at the same time come out more prepared for the next potential opportunity?
As I was on my long walk I realized this situation may not be so different from trying to improve your health. With 75 Hard, you’re basically committing to being the healthiest version of yourself. Every day you do something physically demanding, you improve your mind by reading, and you follow a strict diet. You do exactly what the healthiest version of yourself would do.
So I asked myself, what would my life look like if I was a secure person? How would I act if I knew not every person I’m attracted to was a good fit for me? What would I do if I wasn’t receiving the validation and reciprocation that I look for out of a relationship?
Asking myself questions like these gave me insight into what I have to change about my mindset and actions. I’m more aware now of how that secure version of myself would act on a daily basis and in response to similar situations to what I’m working through now. It seems slightly daunting now and it’s going to take time to adjust, but I know what to strive for.
This can be applied to a lot of aspects in life. It’s the dress-to-impress/fake-it-till-you-make-it mentality. You probably know you’re not doing everything you need to do in order to change your life in the ways you want. You’re likely aware of what you’re doing wrong and you have a desire to change. There’s nothing wrong with admitting your faults – it’s the first step towards change. There is something wrong with not doing anything about it.
Who do you want to be? Once you know that, figure out what that version of you does on a daily basis. How do you act, how do you carry yourself, interact with the world, what do your thoughts sounds like, and what are your habits? Once you develop this persona, act on it. Catch yourself if you slip into old patterns and try your best to pivot. Be the person you want to be.
September 10, 2024
