There is only one choice, there is only authenticity. As humans, we’ve been given the ability to think, to rationalize, to weigh the pros and cons. The ability to consider possibilities has given us the illusion of choice. In reality, there is only one choice. There is only the responsibility to act according to our own nature.
Authenticity, the ability to be yourself, is a complex organism. Authenticity is not a unanimous set of actions nor is it set in stone. The act of being yourself is unique and ever evolving. Authenticity comes with hesitation, fear, anxiety, and loneliness. Discovering your true self requires separating the feelings and impulses of your body from the part of you who holds control.
The capacity to describe this part of myself escapes me. There are no words to express who or what this is and doing so would bring no benefit to the reader. My nature cannot be condensed into a few lines on a screen or pen stroke in a notebook. My authentic self, my true nature, me – they’re all one and the same. They are a culmination of all I’ve done, all I’ve thought, all I’ve created, and all I will do from this point.
In this blog, I’ll try my best to describe what authenticity is, what it’s not, how to work towards it, and how to know when you’re on the right path.
As always, I don’t have all the answers, but I hope my expedition to try finding them inspires you to do the same.
Authenticity In Anger
Inauthenticity is shown through a swelling of emotions. A lack of authenticity is a disconnect between who you are now and who you’re striving to be. When you act one way, but your nature wanted you to act another, your emotions fight back. When you know what you should do, but try coming up with other options or possibilities, a ceaseless sense of anxiety will show it’s power.
A busy day at work with the sun shining through the windows left me feeling hot and lightheaded. As a remedy, I propped the door open for some cool air. After a couple minutes, a customer asked why I opened the door and asked me to close it because they were cold. The frustration arose inside me as I politely told them I’d close the door with a “No worries”, but inside me there was a lot of worries.
An authentic response in this moment would’ve been to act on my anger. My present self was upset and wanted the world to know. My future self is controlled, calm, Stoic, so in this moment I made a choice to ignore my present desires for the benefit of my future. This choice created a disconnect in my mind and body, leading to these strong emotions that persisted.
As the battle raged on, I had to continue staying in control of the impulses the anger insisted I act on. The only way out was to rationalize the situation, see it in a new light, and make the logical thought a part of my identity.
Consider a time when you did act out of anger. You likely felt a sense of shame or regret later on. Shame comes when you make a choice unaligned with who you truly are. If it is within your nature to be friendly, but you act against that out of impulse, your mind and body will let you know.
Anxiety of Freedom
To touch on what anxiety teaches me about authenticity, here’s another tale.
I was in a less than healthy relationship. For many reasons I won’t dive into in this blog, I stayed in it for longer than I should’ve. Throughout the experience, anxiety consumed my thoughts and blurred my perception of rational action. Now that I can look back on all those moments with more clarity, I can say with relative certainty that I knew what I should do, but my impulses wanted me to do something else.
My nature knew this was bad for me and walking away was the rational solution, but my mind searched for reasons to stay. My unhealed childhood wounds wanted this to work, insisted I could do something to fix it, and did all they could to convince me to keep trying. But thoughts stemming from these wounds are not my true nature. My true nature knows what is best for me even if the choice is hard. At the time, I just wasn’t in control of my impulses nor could I fully understand the situation with clarity. Thus the battle consumed me.
Anxiety presents itself from the freedom to choose. We know there is more than one way to go about this, but we don’t yet know which is “good” or “bad”. Personally, I think we do know which choice is right for us in every moment and if we feel like we don’t then it’s probably not yet time to make the choice. When I look back at every chance I had to walk away, my mind knew that was the right choice – the only choice – but the freedom to choose differently created the anxiety.
Inauthenticity
Inauthenticity presents itself when my old ways (childhood wounds and thought patterns) conflict with my present ways (knowing who I am now, my thoughts, and habits). Impulses are still guided by old triggers and those impulses bring thoughts that no longer make rational sense in my life. My authentic self knows who I am now, but my past wants me to act from it. This freedom to choose old ways or authenticity creates anxiety.
My present self also knows who I’m striving to be. I still struggle with false impressions and a need for control, but my future self is on top of these. When present me wants to make one choice, but future me tells me otherwise, it’s felt. Until present and future me are fully aligned, acting as future me will be inauthentic to present me. Disregarding my present impulses to express distress, act on pleasure, or fear will continue to cause lots of turmoil inside me.
To be authentic, it takes understanding who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. Emotions present themselves when there’s a disconnect. Sometimes it’s wise to be inauthentic, if it means building your future self. Other times, it’s better to trust your nature, be authentic, and ignore the inauthentic thoughts. When to do each is for each of us to discover. For me it’s been a lot of learning to be authentic in the present when triggered by past wounds and temporarily inauthentic when present me is acting counter to my long term goals.
Helpful Quotes and Final Thoughts
Albert Camus said, “Above all, in order to be, never try to seem.”
“However we define it, authenticity does not seem to be something we can work at, save in the sense that we can make strides to avoid inauthenticity.” – Gordon Marino
From The Moviegoer by Walker Percy. “This is another thing about the world which is upside down: all the friendly and likeable people seem dead to me; only the haters seem alive.”
Authenticity is not an easy concept to describe because it is so deeply personal. Nor can it be taught how to balance the scales between the mind and body.
I’m striving for alignment. The impulses of my body never overwhelm the thoughts of my rational mind. My past does not affect my present. My ideal self is shown in my present choices. Until there is a perfect alignment, there will be times when I am inauthentic. As long as I’m doing this from a place of growth and rational thought, it’s ok.
Discovering your authentic self, your nature, is a chipping away of the thoughts, impressions, and habits that prevent you from being you. Somewhere along the way, you were taught it wasn’t ok to be yourself. I’m here to tell you it is.
To discover who that person is, notice what your anger and anxiety are trying to teach you.
April 5, 2026
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