As my 29th birthday has come and gone, I’ve begun my reflection on the past year.
June of last year was a rough starting point for a lot of personal and emotional growth. At this time last year, I was immensely anxious, regularly sad, lonely, lazy, and questioning a lot of my choices.
Looking back on those days fills me with a sense of pride in myself because I see the progress I’ve made. Back then, I thought I was stuck. I believed my life would look like that forever. Now, I see how mistaken I was to think that.
I’ve learned a lot in the past year and become more secure in who I am. In this blog, I’m going to share some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned, beliefs I’ve changed, depths I’ve discovered, and traits I’ve grown fond of in myself. Although these will just be words on a screen to you, I hope you strive to incorporate them into your own life – to not just comprehend the words, but feel their weight and embody the beliefs.
As always, I don’t have all the answers but I hope my expedition to try finding them in my life inspires you to start the search in your own.
If you enjoy this blog and would like to support, I’d greatly appreciate it!
1) My value is not determined by other people
Every time a text went unread, plans were canceled, or externals didn’t play out exactly how I wanted, I’d feel awful. My worth was being determined by another person. If they didn’t reach out or make plans with me, it automatically meant I did something wrong or I wasn’t valuable.
That’s what I thought for months. Until I began spending time alone and noticing all the idiosyncrasies that made me unique and someone I was proud of. As I began focusing on my physical and mental health, I started to enjoy my own company and see the value I had to offer the world.
No longer would I let someone else’s action or inaction dictate my worth. I know perfectly well who I am, what I bring to the table, and if someone else fails to see that, it’s not a reflection of me. My value is clear to me, some people are simply in the market for something of different value.
2) My health and well-being are the number one priority
Building discipline was the best decision I could’ve made for myself last year. In the last quarter of 2025, I refused to accept any of my mind’s excuses. I told myself I would go to the gym six days a week, no matter what. On top of that, meal prepping had to become my main source of food. These two habits became the number one priority.
Any additional plans came second to discipline. If I didn’t have enough time to make plans after work, the gym, and cooking, I wouldn’t. No matter what other people wanted me to do or even what my laziness wanted, I’d go to the gym, I’d eat well, and I’d rest.
Even now, as I’ve allowed myself to be more relaxed with this structure, my health and well-being come first. If I’m down in the dumps and need time to think, I explain that to friends and family. If tomorrow is a gym day, I think long and hard about having a drink tonight because I know it’ll make tomorrow harder. I’ve felt the benefits of staying disicplined and anytime that starts to slip, I make sure to refocus my energy.
3) I have anxious attachment
I never really considered myself as someone with anxiety, but the constant questioning of my choices, both past and future, consumed my mind. After starting an audiobook on Anxious Attachment, I started to understand the severity of my situation.
Having made the choice to give myself space away from a relationship, I was given the time for reflection. I would look to all the decisions I had made in the relationship and all the impulses to reach out. I started asking myself “why” and communicating with my childhood self to understand the emotions I was feeling.
My anxious attachment to this relationship, to this person stemmed from my childhood wounds and core beliefs. Only when I started showing kid Bryce the love and attention he needed as a kid, did I start to see my attachment fade away.
4) If a choice can’t be made, it’s not time to make it
Through exploring my emotions, I’ve developed an understanding of when anxiety arises. When moving in my natural state of being, decisions are effortless and require little thought. It is when I start to question other possible choices that anxiety shows up.
For example, say I feel upset after something a friend texts me. If I consider saying something, this rush of emotions fills my chest. The tightness in my chest tells me the choice I’m considering is not proper at this time. So I choose to do nothing because I’ve learned a choice that can’t be made now does not have to be made. I’ve found it better to postpone the decision, give myself time to return to rationality, then act when I’m ready.
5) Fear and anxiety are often confused and intertwined
Kierkegaard’s The Concept of Anxiety helped me understand the distinction between anxiety and fear. My fear is over something, I am afraid of something. Anxiety is a knowledge of possibility, but as I said above, the possibilities that spur anxiety are unpredictable and tell me what not to do.
These complex emotions are easier to feel and distinguish then they are to define. The difference can be seen in this example: I send a text to the pretty lady I’m talking to, but her reply comes slowly. As I wait, emotions start to swell within me. Fear shows itself in wondering if she’s ok, worrying I did something wrong, that she’s mad at me, or thinking she’s moving on. Anxiety then comes when I think “Should I text her again?”, “Should I call?”, “Should I just wait” or any other possibility my brain comes up with.
I’ve found the two often work together, but not always, and they can feel similar. Understanding the difference has helped me recognize which I’m feeling and see their irrational nature, control their unique impulses, and proceed in the proper manner.
6) Control supports peace
Most of my days were at the whim of my emotions and impulses, but I never realized it. After my workout and diet became habit and I learned to ignore the impulses of laziness, I started exploring my other impulses.
My aim was to see every emotion I felt then notice the action it wanted me to perform. Once I understood the relationship between emotion and impulse, I focused all my energy on preventing the action. This control gave me the space to observe the emotion and see why I was feeling it in response to each event. I started to notice all the false impressions and opinions I had on externals and see the irrational nature of my impulses.
With time and observation of my impressions, the impulses started to lose power over me, my emotions held less weight, and my impressions became more rational. Life has become more peaceful. My days are no longer constant fluctuations of emotions and impulses. I now see externals simply for what they are without adding value to them.
7) Give yourself space away from what riles your emotions and impulses
Going along with Lesson 3, I didn’t realize how bad my anxiety, fear, and other emotions were until I gave myself space. My life had become emotionally hectic, but it happened slowly and unnoticeably. When at last it got so bad that I needed to remove myself from a relationship, I saw clearly how lost I was.
When you’re in the midst of it and regularly feeling the same emotions and experiencing the same impulses, it can be difficult to notice them. Clarity only comes after the triggers have been removed. Once they are, you can reflect on the emotions you felt, the actions you performed, and whether they were right or wrong for who you want to be.
Some triggers cannot be easily removed – jobs, living conditions, actions of family members… If this is the case, you have to reflect on the unwanted emotions and impulses these things produce any chance you have. If you’re feeling things you don’t want to feel and acting in ways you don’t want to act, understand why and stay aware in every moment.
8) Emotions need acknowledgement and understanding
To find more permanent remedies for my emotional fluctuations, intentional acknowledgement and understanding were necessary.
Everything I had heard about managing emotions was quick fixes and temporary relief. Breathing exercises, positive mindset, counting to 10, and similar strategies may have helped in the moment, but I wanted to know why the emotions kept coming back in the first place. If there was a way to limit my anxiety, fear, distress, and loneliness, I wanted to discover it.
This was accomplished by intense, compassionate, intentional exploration of my childhood wounds, core beliefs, and present triggers. I spent many nights alone, sitting with my childhood self, exploring their emotions and thoughts, to understand why I still felt the same ways now. Doing this allowed me to distinguish different emotions, realize why they started, and offer myself the proper care and attention I didn’t always receive when I needed it.
9) I don’t need to change who I am to be accepted
Through exploring my childhood wounds and learning to be more aware of my habits, I discovered many choices I was making that didn’t reflect my true self.
The whole basis behind childhood trauma, as I understand it, is the formation of habits that helped you gain love and attention from your parents or lessen the likelihood of parental outbursts. The habits you form as a kid carry into your adulthood as you continue trying to feel accepted by the people around you.
It was in the way I dropped plans for someone else, not speaking my mind when it would’ve been beneficial, ignoring my emotions for someone else’s, responding to texts immediately, and many more. These habits were completely invisible to me, but they always left me feeling anxious, fearful, or sad. Once I discovered them, I understood why and was able to resist the urge to act in any way other than how I knew I should.
There is no reason for me to pretend to be someone else to gain another person’s affection. If someone doesn’t vibe with me, someone else will.
10) There’s no need to make decisions for my future self
I’ve tried to predict the future of my life so many times. I’ve tried to make decisions for my future self to no avail. My attempts left me feeling anxious – there were countless possibilities and I had all this freedom to choose, but I couldn’t pick one. All this worrying and then the day came when the decision had to be made and guess what?
The choice was easy.
I can’t make decisions for my future self because I’m not that person. Any number of events can happen before then and every one will give me the knowledge I need to make a decision in the moment. Just like I’ve done my entire life.
I can plan all I want, set goals, imagine a better version of myself, etc. but in the end, all I can do is make a choice right now, in this moment and every successive moment.
11) Find a way to state your needs and understand other’s empathically
This is still a work in progress for me. The ability to express my emotions has never been easy. For most of my life, I was feeling all these things, but never had the vocabulary to articulate them, nor a safe space to try.
This blog and my social media content have given me a place to express my thoughts and feelings. I’ve given myself somewhere to slow down, think it through, look inside myself, and find the words to describe my subjective experience. As I continue to expand my knowledge on myself and my emotions, I’ve found more ease with sharing them with the people I care about.
All the reading and writing has also given me more empathy for others. I realize the things I’m experiencing are a commonality among all of us. At times, I still struggle to help people when they come to me with their emotions, but I’m constantly trying to be better and be that safe space for someone to turn to.
I truly believe all of us has a core need to feel understood. We each have learned different ways to express this need, but unfortunately it doesn’t always find footing. If you learn to understand yourself first, you’ll find more ways to help other people understand you as well as help them understand themselves.
12) Childhood isn’t all trauma
When starting to dive into my childhood and how it built my habits and emotions, the lessons I learned often came from memories I tried to forget. There were a lot of nights I felt all the emotions I didn’t want to feel and had nowhere to share them. A lot of wounds formed, but I realized I have a lot to be grateful for from my childhood.
My childhood created the person I’m so proud of today. My love of Stoicism, philosophy, art, introspection, and many more stemmed from my hidden need to understand myself as a kid. A lot of my habits and personality traits directly come from my parents, not through trauma, but through admiration.
My quick wit and sense of humor come from all the ridiculous dad jokes and stories I heard over the years. A desire to keep the apartment clean comes from watching my mom take care of our home by staying consistent. Learning to advocate for myself was a lesson my parents taught me from a very early age. The courage to face problems head on and find different ways to solve them comes from my parents telling me I could do anything anyone else did, I just may have to find my own way to do it.
I have so much to thank my parents for. While some things came from moments of pain, a lot more has come from moments of love. No matter what happened, I’m pretty hyped with the person that came out of it.
13) No one’s emotions outweigh yours
I’ve always been somebody who cared deeply about the people close to me. If there was a way I could help them in their time of need, I would do everything I could. Unfortunately, I often did this at the expense of my own well-being.
A part of me believed other people’s emotions and problems outweighed mine. My Stoic nature told me the emotions I was feeling were just a distraction and I needed to help others. Now I realize I drastically misunderstood the teachings of the Stoics.
My emotions are not meant to be ignored or pushed aside. The thoughts in my head and feelings in my body are the only things within my control and they deserve attention. If I am unable to control and understand myself, there is no way I can assist someone else without feeling some repercussion.
Giving other people love, attention, support, and validation are a wonderful, virtuous endeavor, but it never felt genuine. Until I gave these things to myself, giving them to someone else came at a cost. Now that my emotions are in check and I give myself adequate attention, I can freely offer it to the people I care about most.
14) Controlling every aspect of your life would be exhausting
There are only two options, control every part of your life or focus on the one thing you were born in control of. I don’t think there is any gray area.
If you were given control of every aspect of your life, you’d be quickly overwhelmed by the workload. All those people that annoy you are now you’re responsibility – you’re in charge of their diet, exercise, routine, and whole life, just so they can act in a way that suits you. Traffic makes you late to work? Well it was your job to dictate when everyone woke up and left their house this morning. Your social media post didn’t receive the views you had hoped? Why don’t you go adjust the code so the algorithm promotes your post better?
You’d have to control everything. Or you can be grateful that you only have one thing to control – your own mind.
There is some reason certain events trigger these negative thoughts and emotions within you and it’s within your power to figure it out and stop it. Your impressions and opinions on the world around you are all up to you.
15) You don’t need to assign value and meaning to externals
Events are just things. You are the one who adds value to them.
She didn’t text me back. It should just end there, but instead I go down the spiral of fear. She’s mad at me, she’s with someone else, I’m being annoying… then anxiety – should I text her?
It’s like this for every external event. They are just things, but for some reason, I’m placing additional meaning on them instead of just receiving them and living my life. To remove this habit of adding unnecessary value,
16) Just do the task. Adding distress only makes it harder
This goes along with the previous two. Life is just a series of events we are responding to. There is no reason to add a label of good or bad to the things happening in our life. Adding value only makes tasks harder to accomplish, good moments harder to lose, and interactions more burdensome.
With work, if it gets busy, I have no choice but to work through the rush. Adding any sort of distress rips me from the moment and makes the job harder. My thoughts will run rampant instead of just focusing on the task right in front of me. My loss of focus leads to mistakes. Mistakes and acts of anger cause events that trigger more anger.
With the blog, editing, posting, and promoting are all necessary steps in the process. If I want this to gain traction, it’s not enough to simply write the blogs. If I’m required to do the tasks, being annoyed by it or skipping them out of laziness do nothing beneficial. The added opinions and emotions prevent the action or slow it down.
Just do the task.
17) Consequences need to be accepted before making a decision
A huge part of making right decisions, decisions not out of impulse, is accepting the possible consequences before you make the decision. Before you take any action, you need to consider what could happen, how it would feel, and if you’re willing to manage those if they came up.
This goes along with my understanding of my anxiety, its association with freedom to choose, as well as with my idea of not making the choice if I don’t feel I can yet. If I’m about to text my ex, I pause before and consider potential consequences. She doesn’t respond, she responds rudely, I have to wait for a response, she rejects me, etc. If these possibilities scare me, if I don’t think I can handle the emotional response, or I simply don’t want to risk feeling those things, I don’t do it.
This is where feeling anxiety has helped me – feeling it tells me I’m considering an action that would do way more harm than good. There is always an action that when reflected upon does not lead to fear or worry, and that is the action that should be pursued.
I’m confident in my knowledge of what I can handle and what I don’t think I’m ready for. When I consider potential actions and weigh the consequences, I almost always know which path I should take. If I’m still not sure after this, I don’t make the decision yet.
18) Nothing needs to be forced. Set intentions then let it play out
I’ve started seeing impulses as a part of me fighting against Nature. I don’t view life as pre-determined, but as each moment happening then logically leading to the next. While we can try to predict how life will play out, it seems unlikely we’ll ever be accurate. Nature doesn’t have a plan, it just acts moment to moment and if we try to fight it, we postpone peace.
Like I said before, setting goals for yourself is beneficial. Knowing who you’re striving to become is wise. You also have to know that a lot can happen and your path could lead anywhere. It’s best to stay as present as you can, always keeping guard for impulse, or a desire to try turning this moment into anything other than what it is.
Your desire is believing this moment could be any better than it already is. Your anger tells you there’s something wrong about this moment that requires your hostility. Worry pulls you away from the present moment and distracts you with the unknown future.
There’s no reason to fight Nature – it doesn’t give a shit what you think and trying to change how it plays out will not work. This moment is exactly how it’s meant to be, your job is to respond to it in the best way possible, without impulse.
19) It feels pretty good to cry
I’ve cried more times in the last year than I have in the past 10 years combined. Now that sounds pretty sad, but every tear fell with the release of a piece of me I no longer needed. The tears I’ve cried have been the most weight lifting experience I’ve ever felt.
When I thought back on my childhood and faced the memories that tore me apart, I gave my childhood self the safe place he needed to share his emotions. Just being there with myself to validate my own emotions and listen to myself was enough to feel all the bad feelings seep out of my.
Now, I am much comfortable with crying than I ever have been. It doesn’t happen super often, but when it does, I know I learned something important about myself.
Final Thoughts
Last June brought the end of a pretty tough 6 months. June also brought the start of what feels like the most drastic shift in my thoughts and emotions.
I’ve learned so many new things about myself in the past year and have gained a stronger understanding of who I am. I’ve seen glimpses of my natural state, the person I am when emotions and impulses aren’t controlling my choice. Exploration of my childhood and habits have brought me a sense of Stoic control I’m proud of.
When I look back at the past year and think about who I was and how I felt, I can’t believe how much has changed. The process wasn’t easy. It took a lot of discipline, nights alone, cravings, frustration, anxiety, and sadness. I just needed to remember why I was doing all this.
I knew life could feel so much better, have greater meaning, and I could do so much more. When I decided to make a change, I couldn’t predict all the consequences of taking back control of my life, but I knew whatever they were would be worth it in the end.
June 28, 2026
