Have you ever woken up after a night of drinking, feeling absolutely awful, and thought “Why did I do that?”. One of those nights where the next day you insist you’ll never drink again? If you’re like me though, that was likely not the last time you made the same mistake.
This hangover doesn’t only result from drinking, it happens after every wrong decision I make. While I don’t experience the exact same symptoms, I do face the consequences of acting poorly. The difference between making the right choice and the wrong one has become more clear to me as I strive to gain control of my emotions and impulses. As I find what virtue looks like in my life, I also see what it is not.
In this blog, I’ll share my thoughts on right and wrong choices and how each looks before, during, and after the choice is made. I believe in each moment there is a right and wrong choice to make for myself and when I make the wrong one, I feel it, just like the regret of drinking too much.
Learning to make the right choices for myself requires considering potential consequences, being in tune with my emotions, and reflecting on decisions. I’ll explain each of these in more detail in the following sections.
As always, I don’t have all the answers, but I hope my expedition to try finding them in my life inspires you to start the search in your own.
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What is a “Right Choice”?
A right choice is made on an individual level – I don’t believe I can adequately determine if the action of another person was right or wrong for them, but I can say if my own action is right or wrong for me. There is also a circumstantial aspect to choice that I am unable to fully dissect. A right choice in one moment may be the wrong choice in another. This also makes it challenging to predict a choice in the future because the state of my wisdom, emotions, and physical well-being at the time of the choice are impossible to predict and these all impact the decision.
A right choice happens in the moment, but is confirmed through reflection. The aim is to make the choice I truly believe is right in every single moment. I will not always make the right choice, which I determine retroactively through reflection, but I strive to choose more wisely in the future.
Making the right choice requires consideration of the consequences of my actions, an awareness of the emotional response to potential decisions, an understanding of my “ideal self”, and conscious, intentional action as opposed to unconscious, impulsive action.
How each of these looks in my own life is what I strive to explain within the next few sections of the blog. If nothing else, this blog will help me understand my own decision making process to a greater extent, but I do hope it encourages you to consider your own markers of right and wrong choice.
Consequences
Before making any decision, the potential consequences need to be considered and accepted. If I cannot reasonably accept the consequences, the action is not made.
The tough part with this is its nature of inducing anxiety. When considering potential choices and outcomes, my mind can quickly become overwhelmed and my body feels the typical weight in my stomach mixed with shallow breathing and increased heart rate. Knowing I have the freedom to do anything I want produces a lot of turmoil within me. At the same time, if considering the consequences induces this anxious or fearful response, I know it’s probably not the right choice for me.
Say for example I have the thought or impulse to drink a couple beers tonight. Before I make the decision, I need to consider all the consequences I know are likely to arise from that choice. Do I want to wake up groggy, work all day in a state of tiredness, feel dehydrated and nauseous when it’s already hot as hell outside, or risk experiencing the alteration in my stress levels? If the answer is no, I don’t drink. If the answer cycles back and forth in my mind, I don’t drink. If the answer is coming from a rational state of mind, not a craving, and it’s a yes, I have a drink.
What if I cannot predict the consequences because I don’t know what I’m getting myself into? Say for example starting a new relationship. There are some potential consequences you can predict – you don’t vibe well, you date and break up, or the first date is really awkward. All these risks are a part of the process though and shouldn’t stop you from trying. On the other hand, there are possibilities you have no way of predicting and in those cases, you simply need to stay vigilant, see if they’re patterns, and determine if you want to live with them. These to me are things like realizing the person has avoidant tendencies, learning they never text back, discovering they want to keep things casual, etc. If these arise multiple times and they trigger unwanted feelings within you, you need to try to understand why you feel these things and determine if it’s something you can work through. If you do not believe you can mentally or emotionally handle them if they were to continue, it’s probably for the best to walk away.
Trying new things and being yourself come with consequences. With time, you grow more wisdom for what you are capable of and what you’re willing to put up with. You also learn the opposite. Both allow you to weigh the pros and cons before making any decision. This also holds you more accountable. If you consider the consequences then choose to do it anyway, you cannot complain when the consequences inevitably show themselves.
Feeling
The elusive ability to articulate my emotional experience will now be tested yet again. How does the right choice feel to me?
It feels right.
Alright, all jokes aside, making the right choice for myself is the absence of suffering. When I make the choice I believe to be right in the present moment, there is no anxiety, fear, overthinking, anger, or any signs of distress. I view it as the balance between my mind and body. If the scale tips towards the body when making a decision, it’s usually impulsive. If the decision is made mostly from the mind, there’s no guarantee it was the right choice. If my body feels at peace and my mind is calm, I’m confident in my actions.
Any amount of hesitation tells me I should pause before doing anything. Any thought that pops into my head that questions my next move tells me not to act just yet. This happened the other day when I almost made a passing joke, but I felt a weird tug in my gut before I said it. I’ve been trying to be more careful about the things I say carelessly because I want to be respectful and not make light of certain topics, even if it is jokingly. So when I felt this hesitation in my gut, my brain said “maybe don’t say that joke”, so I didn’t.
Even after the fact, the choices that were right for me in the moment typically do not require further thought. A wrong decision weighs on my mind and body, but a right one is left in the past.
Reflection
Reflection is where I determine if the choices I believed were right were in fact right. Reflection shows me where I acted poorly as well and how I can strive to be better.
At the end of each day, I often experience a few moments from the day resurfacing and if ignored, they continue to come back into my mind. These moments are like a spotlight shining itself on choices I made that need exploration to determine if I acted according to who I want to be. A recent example I’ve been working on is my habit of gossiping.
There was a moment a few weeks ago, where I said something about someone. After I said it, I experienced this gut-wrenching feeling in response to the thought, “What if they heard me say this about them?”. That alone was enough to tell me something needed to change. If I was ever caught in the act, I would feel terrible. It goes back to accepting the consequences – would I want to be overheard speaking poorly of someone else or potentially upset that person deeply? Absolutely not.
Now, my job is to stay on guard for moments where this habit is tested. There will always be times when I have the choice to say something potentially harsh or unwarranted about another person. Conversations like this pop up regularly in daily life and each time, I have to remind myself that I have no right to judge another person’s character or actions because I am not them nor am I in control of their choices. Their actions only show me where we are different and that doesn’t give me the right to speak about them when they’re not around.
There is no final version of myself that I can reach. No matter how many habits I adjust, emotions I dive into, or impulses I control, there will always be something for me to work on and improve. While there is no “Ideal Self” to become, there are traits that version of me would embody and those are slowly built through reflection. Habits become conscious, I reflect on them, and determine how I believe they should look.
I may not know what a perfect character looks and feels like, but I can pretty easily recognize what it’s not. When it is brought to my attention that I’m acting counter to the virtuous person I’d like to be, I try my best to alter my habits quickly. Sometimes it takes a while before a bad habit becomes conscious. Unfortunately, some habits are only brought to my attention after they’ve caused negative consequences. This is why I strive to stay present as I make every decision. WIth each action, I pay attention to my mind and body, and do what I can to make the choice I believe is right. Mistakes happen and that’s where reflection comes in.
I’ve learned how my body and mind respond to right and wrong decisions, so if something feels off, I pay attention. It may not be easy to say exactly how to be virtuous, but it’s really easy to tell when I’m not.
Final Thoughts
It’s hard to say if there’s an absolute right or wrong way to act in every moment. The only perspective I can give is how I attempt to do the right thing for me.
Every choice is a unique occurrence that requires its own intentional focus. The right choice in one instance may be the wrong one in another. There are a lot of factors at play, from my mood, my physical state, my mental well-being, and the experiences of my past. All these impact how I proceed. I try my best not to act from impulse alone or from thought alone because if I ignore one, the other will let me know.
It’s not an easy thing to express in this condensed form, but I hope all of this has made sense. My goal is always to show you what’s possible, to help bring some of these things to you consciousness, and help you discover what you can explore in your own life,
I’ve seen a significant improvement in my fear, anxiety, and rumination as I’ve learned to listen to my mind and body. Acting from a more grounded state and reflecting on choices every day has shown me what right action feels like as well as how wrong action sticks around after the fact.
I only hope you can experience the same feelings of peace as you learn to trust yourself and act in ways that are right for you.
July 5, 2026
