“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~Viktor Frankl
In an attempt to be a more non-reactive person, learning to pause is necessary. Awareness is key in order to hear a person’s words and not respond immediately in an unproductive way.
Awareness of old methods and awareness of current habits and instincts. You need to know how you act now and have a desire to change.
It’s tough trying to rewire your brain. It’s tough acting in ways contrary to how you’re used to. Use that moment in between stimulus and response to your advantage. Take that moment to choose how you want to respond.
It feels strange taking a pause before I speak. I’m prone to simply responding, so taking an extra second to breathe feels drawn out and awkward.
Sometimes the person you’re talking with is impatient. They say something you initially interpret as rude, you take a breath as a way to stay calm, then they interrupt to fill the silence. They take your silence to mean you didn’t hear them, you’re ignoring them, or any other form of maliciousness.
It doesn’t matter if, in your attempts to pause, the other person never lets you speak. The important thing is that you weren’t reactive. You didn’t say anything you’d come to regret. You didn’t create an unnecessary conflict by letting habits take over.
If you practice this pause for long enough, people will eventually learn to expect the pause before you respond. They’ll know you don’t speak immediately after being spoken to and they’ll give you the time to respond (hopefully. Unless they’re really impatient/unaware/talkative).
In the end, if you don’t want to be reactive, you’ll manage any response you get to your pause. The goal isn’t to get a word in, the goal is to prevent habit from making you say something you’ll regret.
Don’t let old ways cause conflict and continue giving you undesired results. Use the moment between stimulus and response to take a breath, collect your thoughts, and form a productive response.
April 27, 2022
