Being a Stoic, being a good person, doesn’t require you to put up with rude people.
“In the ring, our opponents can gouge us with their nails or butt us with their heads and leave a bruise, but we don’t denounce them for it or get upset with them or regard them from then on as violent types. We just keep an eye on them after that. Not out of hatred or suspicion. Just keeping a friendly distance. We need to do that in other areas. We need to excuse what our sparring partners do, and just keep our distance—without suspicion or hatred.” ~Marcus Aurelius
It is not a constant interaction with people who test your character that creates a Stoic. Character forms from your ability to respond well in those scenarios, but they don’t need to be frequent occurrences. Much like Marcus’ quote, if you discover maliciousness in an individual, you don’t deem them a malicious person, you just know what they’re capable of and keep your distance.
You don’t have to keep going back and interacting with the person to test your ability to stay calm. What matters is that, if fate crosses your paths with them again, you can treat them with respect and patience.
Why am I writing this blog? Someone on Tik Tok continues to ambush my comment section because they’re upset about not receiving a free coffee sample 3 months ago. I responded to each with grace and calmly tried moving along, but they kept pushing back, So I questioned what to do. Should I let them continue doing this? Should I just send them free coffee to appease them? Can I just block them?
So I thought of Marcus’ quote and I realized I don’t need to force myself to deal with this person. Their character has been revealed to me and I know what they’re capable of. I don’t hate them, I’m not angry, but I’m keeping my distance for my own sanity. So with the perks of the age of technology, I blocked them.
Obviously you can’t do this to a person in the real world. In that case, you just don’t go out of your way to interact with them regularly. But if someone is relentlessly attacking you online, you don’t have to put up with it. Act with grace, stay Stoic, without hatred, and do what you can to move them along. But if your words don’t get through, create distance and move along.
Marcus Aurelius didn’t force himself to speak with assholes – he didn’t schedule time each week to chat with his enemies. You don’t have to either. When you meet rude people, treat them as you would anyone else, but don’t force more interactions if you have the choice to stay away.
June 12, 2023
