I’m starting to believe understanding Control Dramas is one of the most beneficial skills a person can learn.
If you don’t know what Control Dramas are, I did a short podcast on them (Top right). You can also check out James Redfield’s The Celestine Prophecy to start your knowledge journey.
Basically, we all fall somewhere along a spectrum. The Control Drama arises when confronted with sadness, anger, anxiety, or stress. We either respond more passively (Aloof or Poor Me) or we’re more aggressive (Interrogator or Intimidator). How we respond to low energy states is based on what we’ve learned as we’ve grown up. We’ve discovered this particular method makes us feel better.
Poor Me = Playing the victim. Believing everyone is out to get you and the world is rooting for you to fail
Aloof = Not wanting to talk to anyone and wanting to be left alone to figure it out yourself
Interrogator = Probing with questions until finding something you disagree with and attacking that
Intimidator = School bully. Responding with anger and aggression. Verbal or physical abuse.
Everyone falls somewhere along this line of Dramas. Once you learn them, you notice them almost immediately in everyone you speak with. It’s actually quite fun.
Learning to differentiate these Dramas and spot them in those around you gives you an incredible advantage. When you learn how someone responds to low moments you’re able to respond accordingly. This can help resolve conflicts faster or even prevent them from happening.
When you can anticipate a person’s response before you even have the conversation, you can tailor your thoughts and criticisms specifically to that person.
The easiest ones for me to speak on are Aloof people and Poor Me’s.
Aloof people are easy (I’m one of these). If you notice your friend or family member go quiet and start going off to be by themself, you ask “Is there something you’d like to talk about or would you rather be left alone?’. That’s it! Then just respond accordingly to their answer. Don’t probe them if they want to be alone. They’ll find you when they’re ready.
Poor Me’s are a little more difficult because they turn everything on themselves, so it can be an endless loop. But if the person you’re talking to starts using their Drama say something like “I’m willing to sit with you and find a solution to this issue, but I do not have time to place blame on anyone or anything. Are you willing to work with me to figure this out?”. If they keep playing the victim, repeat yourself one more time. If they keep going, leave.
These are just two simple examples, but the point is: you can learn to understand people on a much deeper level. You can learn to respond in ways that are more likely to nip the conflict in the bud. When you learn how you and others respond to low energy moments, it can save you time, energy, and heartache.
Start looking at your friends and family using the descriptions above. Examine how they all express their Control Dramas. From there, practice tailored responses to each individual until you find the ones that prove successful.
If you’re still struggling with other people manipulating you with their Drama, check out this post – Your Happiness
March 15, 2021
