What choices are you making in order to receive external validation? Initially you may say “None” but if you consider it more, you may find some things that need change.
After a recent tik tok about my thoughts on money, I’ve been thinking deeply on our desire for material things. The typical point was brought up – some people like to celebrate their success by buying nice watches, cars, etc. Is it true that some people truly enjoy “the finer things” or is there something deeper? Some sense of needing external validation.
As I’ve considered this more deeply, I find it hard to understand it from any other lense than needing validation. I’ll gladly concede that I may be wrong because I know this is simply my unique perspective, but this is how I view it.
I ask myself, “Why would you need to buy a watch to prove you’re successful?” My thought is that people do so because they can, they finally have the money to buy X or Y, so they do. But why do you need a physical thing to prove that/why do you need to prove that? You know more than anyone that you have the money, just look at your bank account! In buying this thing, it’s taking what you know to be true and visually presenting it to the world.
That act of turning your awareness of your own success into an object that others can see is, in my eyes, external motivation. There is some underlying motivation and desire to present your success and ability to afford expensive things. There’s an attachment of nice things to success. There’s an additional weight added to these material things – we’re no longer seeing them for what they actually are.
I’ve talked about the Stoic practice of breaking things down and that fits well into this topic. Any watch you buy does one thing, tells you what time it is. Every house shelters you from the elements. A car gets you from A to B. Do this with anything and you’ll see where you add more weight and meaning to objects.
A “nice” watch still tells time, but the niceness of it does more – it shows other people you spent the money on it. A big house shelters you, but it shows others you can afford it. Fast cars get you from A to B (not faster because of speed limits), but they tell other people you can afford it.
All of these things are externally motivated. There’s no need to attach greater meaning to objects that serve a specific purpose. The addition of price value does not increase the value of the purpose. When you can afford exactly what you need and everything does what it’s supposed to, spending more becomes excessive. As you begin to buy and desire more, it slowly becomes more externally motivated.
You do not need to prove you worth to anyone. There’s no need to prove your success to anyone. You know your worth and you decide you’re successful, not with objects, but with security, happiness, and passion.
January 18, 2023
