Remember, circumstances may present uncommon actions. Don’t mistake one poor interaction with a personality trait – give them a second chance.
This idea comes from How to Not Die Alone by Logan Ury. The idea of giving someone another chance, in the context of the book, a second date.
Say you interact with someone and they’re incredibly rude. The person is defensive, curt, and refuses to listen or use reason. You have two options: Assume they’re a rude person and always act like this or realize circumstances may be producing their behavior.
This is a similar idea to my blog The Fairytale Technique where I come up with stories that cause me to feel empathy in response to a person’s poor behavior. You may never know why someone is acting in a particular way, but you shouldn’t assume malicious intent or associate their actions with their personality.
The example the book shares is: say you’re not a morning person and you have a big presentation Friday at 9 AM. Do you really think it’s a good idea to go on a date with someone Friday at 8 AM? It’s hard to imagine you’re going to be chipper and invested in the conversation. You’ll likely come off as uninterested, like you’d rather be somewhere else.
It’s all a matter of circumstance. Life happens and we all respond differently. The goal is to never assume someone is a bad person or immediately believe they’re trying to be rude, especially if it’s your first interaction.
Be patient with people. Give people second and third chances. Hell, if they keep acting that way, ask them if there’s something you can help them work through. Just don’t automatically assume they’re always like this or that they’re trying to harm you.
November 4, 2022
