Have you ever wanted to do something but didn’t because you didn’t want to be a burden?
Are you afraid to leave your job to pursue your own business or to just take time to yourself to travel and explore what’s out there? What do you think the main factor contributing to that fear is?
I often hear one statement repeated over and over in response to taking risks, traveling, and pursuing businesses. People our age often say something to the tune of, “I’ll just work at this job for a little bit until I can get established. Once I have some money, then I’ll do all those things I want to do.”
Why do we make excuses and continue to justify our unhappiness or our lack of feeling content with life when there’s no better time to take risks than when we’re young?
There are a lot of excuses we make to rationalize our decision to “settle” or not do something we’d like to, but this post is going to focus on one in particular.
Burden.
Our Burden on Others
In my recent podcast with Todd Weisse (you can listen here) we discussed the topic of risks and fears- Some of the things we believed prevented people from doing what they want in life.
Here are Todd’s thoughts on what fears prevent him from taking life altering risks:
“I would be more inclined to do it if I wasn’t living at home. I feel like there’s more important things right now in my life than to just drop everything and have fun basically. I would want to be more independent first because then I feel like I’m not putting more of that burden on other people, like my family… I feel like I’d need to be the only one I would affect if I failed. If I were to, say take two years off to travel and make videos- Yeah that’d be a lot of fun, but then I’d be 27, at home, and still no job at that point… it affects more than just me if I were to fail.”
This idea of being a burden on your family is something I feel deeply, but have never really been aware of. After Todd said this it’s been on my mind a lot.
When you graduate college or decide to join the workforce, living with family can weigh on your mind when making decisions.
Everyone’s situation is different, so I’ll speak on mine and hopefully there is something that can resonate with you.
I’m lucky to have two incredibly supportive parents. They encourage me to try new things in order to figure out what I want to do with my life. I’m fortunate to not have to pay them rent each month or pay for my own food (although that’s changing now that I’m going vegan). Not everyone can say the same, so I am grateful.
But at the same time, I think it may be part of a bigger problem.
When I’m home, I have this feeling of needing to get a job. To forget about my dreams of building up a successful podcast, blog, or art business. To just let those things fall to the wayside and instead just take the safe route of settling. Get a job, move out, start my own family, then just fall into the routine.
I feel this way because I don’t want to burden my parents. I don’t want them to worry about me. To keep paying for me to live with them when it seems like I’m not doing anything to sustain myself in the future. I don’t want to be the cause of their stress, anxiety, or financial hardships.
But when I made the choice to not go to grad school, to not get a 9-5, and to try doing my own thing, I feel like I did all those things. Every day I choose to work on building Expedition to Try- instead of taking the safer route, I inflate the burden I’ve placed upon them.
What if I take these risks now? Choose to work on ETT, build my art skills, travel the world, and try new things, but I fail? What if all the work I put in doesn’t amount to anything and I’m left right back where I started?
This is where it gets tough for me. In my eyes, that journey, whether it ends in failure or success, will have been worth it. I’ll be happy knowing that I tried all those things. I won’t be scared for the future because I’ll still be young as hell. I’ll have an entire lifetime left to “figure shit out”.
But my fear is that my parents won’t see it the same way. There will be this burden placed upon them again. This crippling fear that I wasted the past few years. This anxiety that I’ll have to start over and go through everything again. They’ll worry even more about me because I’m not in a stable or secure spot in my life and it seems like I won’t be any time soon.
I don’t want them to feel any of that. To feel like they have a responsibility to support me financially or give me a place to live while I start fresh. I don’t want them to have to explain to people that I haven’t found who I am yet when everyone else’s kids seem to have done it years ago.
None of the burden should be placed on them. It should all be on me. It’s my life and I’ve made these decisions for myself. I’m the one who put myself in this position by choosing to pursue the things I wanted to.
How do I remove the burden from their shoulders and carry the weight on my own?
Transferring the Burden
I don’t have the answers. Heck, I’m not even sure there is an answer. Much like everything in life, what works for one person won’t necessarily work for another. All I have is my intuition and end goal and those should be my guiding factors.
As Todd said, being more independent could be a promising first step in transferring the burden to myself.
When you reduce your dependence on other people, (i.e. your parents), the choices you make affect you more than anyone. Becoming more independent lets you make decisions for yourself without anyone else obscuring your vision. Independence allows you to make decisions that may place you in a tough spot if it goes poorly. That’s your choice to make.
It seems like the first step towards independence would be moving out of my parents house. This puts another burden on myself. It puts a new factor into the equation. Now when I make a decision, I have to think about my expenses I have to pay.
If I decide to go on a trip to make a YouTube video instead of working for a month, I have to ensure I’ll be able to pay my own rent.
This idea of choosing risk over security requires more consideration as you grow more independent and take on more responsibilities. When you have to pay for rent, your car, groceries, insurance, and all the other “adult” bills, you have more to consider when making choices.
If you choose to focus on your side project instead of working a 9 to 5 job, you have to be certain you’ll be able to pay for all the necessities. There’s no guarantee you’ll sell enough of your art, get enough streams, YouTube views, or podcast listeners to fund your monthly expenses. You need to be prepared.
In my eyes, having all these responsibilities placed on you is the best option. While it seems terrifying, it truly opens your eyes and makes you fully consider every choice you make. It’s all on you now and you can choose to do what you want to do.
You can make the choice to take risks while you’re young and have fewer responsibilities. You can choose to take the safe route and work for someone else.
When you decide to take risks, there’s the possibility of failure. There’s likely going to be a lot of times when you have to cut your spending to afford necessities. You’re going to face a lot of hardships along the way with no real guarantee of success in the end.
But at the same time, there’s a chance that it does work. There’s a chance you’ll be able to make money doing what you truly want to be doing. You’ll be able to say it was all worth it and you did it all on your own. Even with all the weight on your shoulders, you can say that you managed to come out on top.
Something I always think about is this: you’ll always be able to get another job. You’ll always be able to make more money. You won’t always be able to take risks and experience life to its fullest.
If diving head first into a passion project isn’t your thing, you can get a job to feel more secure. If you decide you want more financial security before taking risks, by all means do what you have to do. However, don’t fall into the trap of spending all your precious time doing something just for a paycheck. Especially when you’re young. Use the job to your advantage. Use the money you earn to take a risk on a side project. Try something you’d really enjoy doing and see where it goes.
Just because the burden is all on you now, it doesn’t mean you can’t take risks. It means you can choose to take risks without feeling like you’re affecting other people.
Do what you have to to become independent. Then do what you have to to feel safe, secure, and most importantly, happy.
Thanks
Thank you so much for reading this post! I hope you enjoyed it and found it helpful.
If you liked this post, let me know in the comments or message me on social media. If you think this post could help or inspire someone, please share it with them. Let’s spread the love and positive vibes.
Be sure to check out my other posts about life and everything in it that makes it worth living.
Peace out and good luck!
~Bryce, Expedition to Try
