There’s been a clear set of concepts arising as I’ve continued writing and posting content. My blogs have always focused on a few main ideas – Habits, Philosophy, Relationships, and Life Lessons. Within these categories, I’ve noticed a repetition of key phrases that have gone unexplored.
After last week’s blog about what a cure for my disease would entail – read HERE – I had the idea to create a sort of index for the concepts I discuss the most. With time, I’ll develop a dictionary of sorts – a series of common words that hold much more complexity within my psyche than the few letters that spell them out on the screen.
Impulse has been the concept seeking definition for the past week. Over the last 8 months, impulses have been one of my main focuses, more specifically the understanding and control over them. I’ve likely used the term “impulse” hundreds of times throughout my content, but I’ve never tried distilling it into words.
My impulses have always been defined through an action – throwing things, texting an ex, skipping the gym, etc. but I’ve never separated the word from the action.
What is an impulse?
That is the question I sought answers to this week. In this blog, I’ll share my current definition of Impulse. Impulses are complex, they consist of a few components, and removing them requires effort. When I mention impulses, this blog will be the reference point. I’ll share a simple definition of an impulse, how they’re produced, why they exist, how to remove them, and how to create healthy ones for your life and character.
As always, I don’t have all the answers, but I hope my expedition to try finding them in my life inspires you to start the search in your own.
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What is an Impulse?
An impulse is similar to a habit in many ways, but there’s one key distinction. An impulse is an unconscious action while a habit is a conscious choice.
There are four main components behind an impulse – a stimulus, an emotion, an impression, and an action. An external event is taken in through the senses then the brain interprets the event and sends a signal through the body. A chemical reaction is produced which is then observed by our thoughts and labeled with an impression. Finally an action is performed based on all these components.
Impulses are actions determined by emotions. The habitual response to emotions was often developed before you had a say in the matter. These responses may not reflect your true character and thus should be observed and adjusted.
Formation of Impulses
Impulses form through repeated action that consistently shows desired results.
Your brain has a lot to manage, so any chance it can give itself to rest, it will. It’s not feasible to require your brain to reflect and make a choice of what to do in every moment of the day. With the number of stimuli happening all around you, your brain needs to be able to disregard some or act instinctively with others. You don’t place your hand on a hot stove and take the time to ponder your options.
An impulse is the habit you place upon the pedestal in your brain. Over time, you decide this habit gives me the results I desire, so any time these specific stimuli occur, I’ll perform this action, no questions asked. This allows your brain to use its energy for other tasks instead of debating how you should respond to the world.
This process has presented an issue in my life – the majority of my impulses were developed by necessity, not by choice. Here’s how I think about it:
Impulses are protective measures, immediate responses to the environment to save your brain time and energy. Consider a lion who sees a gazelle. Instantly, the lion lowers itself, preparing to pounce at the slightest movement. A stimulus triggers a chemical reaction that evokes a physical response.
Humans are the same up until they gain the ability to think rationally. A baby responds impulsively to every stimulus. Loud noises, hunger, pain, and tiredness are all chemical reactions that lead to an unconscious action. When a child gains consciousness, they can now assign meaning to the chemical reactions that have been taking place for years.
This is a confusing time because the body will continue developing instinctive responses to its environment without the child’s knowledge. While this happens, the child just thinks and learns which chemical reactions feel good versus bad. Over the course of many more years, the child has developed habits that are so ingrained in their muscle memory that they can be classified as impulses.
Impulses are developed before you have the opportunity to observe them. They are there to protect you and limit the number of choices your brain has to make. If you grow up in a tumultuous environment, your impulses will reflect an animal in fight or flight.
A screaming parent (stimulus) creates a reaction in the body (emotion) which you label as bad/scary (impression) and you respond in a way to protect yourself. The impulse can be a number of things, for me, it was often seclusion that brought me a feeling of “safety”.
The possible stimuli and responses are enumerable, but I encourage you to observe your own. You may be surprised at how frequently these impulses play out in your daily life, just with different stimuli. It may no longer be your parent screaming, but a fight between friends, your boss in a mood, a passing comment from a stranger… They all have the power to evoke emotions, impressions, and impulsive action.
They always will, unless you learn how to make them conscious again.
Becoming Aware of Impulses
To become aware of an impulse is to remove it from the pedestal.
The hardest part of this process was having to observe impulses retroactively. For months, I’d find myself swept up into the waves of my emotions, fighting to keep my head above water as my impulses dictated my decisions. “Why did I do that?” played out repeatedly in my mind. I knew these actions weren’t the ones I wanted to perform, but I couldn’t figure out why I kept doing them.
One day, after a bad day at work, my actions fueled by anger, I again asked myself why I had acted so poorly. This time, I actually asked myself though and I sat with all the thoughts and emotions for the first time. The rabbit hole of questions and answers I went down was insightful. Never before did I consider the depth of my emotions, their triggers, and their catalysts.
Every time an impulse went unchecked, I reflected upon it. Slowly, I removed every impulse from its pedestal, held it in my hands, observed it, questioned it, and understood it to the best of my ability. At a certain point, this observation was no longer retroactive, but in the heat of emotion.
When this switch happened, the impulse was no longer in control, no longer unconscious. Now I was in control. It became a choice.
Adjusting Your Impulses
This moment shows the difference between an impulse and a habit. A habit is a choice you make consistently, but each time it is a new choice. Even the most disciplined people have to choose to go to the gym or stay home every day. With time, that choice becomes easier as their identity changes, but it is a choice no less.
As soon as I could feel the emotion and see the impulse readying its action, it became a choice. When I felt the anger, I knew all the things my anger usually lead to. With introspection, I created a list of common responses for every emotion. Anger brought, tension, shallow breathing, slammed doors, dismissive speech, and lack of attention to details.
I distinctly remember one moment where the anger burned deep in my chest, I felt my grip on the door tighten, preparing to slam the shit out of it, then I stopped. In my head I said, “Go ahead. What are you gonna do? Stop being such a bitch.”
You know what I did? I laughed.
Amazing how someone so angry can instantly change his entire demeanor after one statement. In that moment, I understood that my emotions and responses were a choice and knew it was my job to figure out how to choose better.
Similar to strengthening a muscle, I had to train this ability to feel the emotion, hear the impression, sense the impulse, then make a choice. At first, I felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of my emotions and impulses, to the extent that I couldn’t prevent any of them. Eventually, I noticed improvement – one fewer door slammings, one fewer text sent to my ex, less time spent on my phone… Then seemingly all at once, I was aware of it all and everything became a choice.
This choice was a challenging part and still is. I’ve done one thing for so long, what could I possibly do instead? How could one respond to anger, fear, worry, or sadness in any other way? The answer I found still kinda pisses me off, but I know it to be true for myself and I still follow it every time I need to make a choice.
Do nothing. Literally just don’t do the shit you’ve done for so long. Don’t slam the door, send the text, yell back, unlock your phone, lie down for “five minutes”, skip the run, eat another cookie… Just sit there for a second and breathe. Give yourself a second to see this moment for what it is and give your rational mind a chance to catch up.
This is a daily practice for me. Every day I try to keep in mind who I’m striving to be. I remember Stoicism and how a man of virtue is meant to act. I’m questioning all of my impressions and actions, not to elicit fear, but to make sure I’m someone I’m proud to be. With every day, I face many emotions, thoughts, and choices. I am not perfect by any means, but I’ve witnessed my own improvement and I wish I could express the peace this process has brought me because I want you to want to experience it.
You have more control than you may believe. You just may not yet know you have a choice.
Final Thoughts
There is something powerful hiding behind the thoughts that cycle through your mind. The thoughts that seem to repeat themselves endlessly, question your every move with worry, and tell you you’re not good enough to experience peace and joy. Behind these thoughts is something important.
Every time I find myself ruminating over a choice I made, trying to determine if it was the right or wrong decision, I know an impulse may have gone past my radar. My thoughts tell me which of my choices need more observation to ensure they reflect my true nature.
When I send a text to her and can’t stop worrying about if it was dumb or not, I know the text came from a place of impulse. I ask myself, “Is that truly how I want to act?” When I lose my temper at work, it’s the same process. All evening, I worry about the repercussions of my decisions and I realize it’s because I acted counter to my true nature. If I catch myself scrolling too much, I ask “What the fuck am I doing?” and I instantly remember I have much better things to do than scroll.
My thoughts and emotions tell me where change needs to be made, so I do everything I can to listen and help. You’re not at the whim of your emotions and impulses, you just need to become aware of them. Understand yourself and reflect on everything. You’ll find there’s a lot to learn.
September 12, 2026
