Why is it so easy to keep our cool and stay patient with some people we deal with, like obnoxious customers, rude waitstaff, annoying pedestrians in public, or any other example, but when it comes to family it’s almost impossible?
To me, there’s a sense of permission, if that’s the best word to describe it.
I can lose my patience, get angry, yell, and curse when someone in my family upsets me. Because that’s sometimes what families do. They argue, they disagree, and then they make up or move on like nothing happened.
But with strangers or just people outside your family in general, there’s a different set of rules or a different mindset involved.
It’s almost like this thought of, “what’s the point?” or “why bother?”. There’s no real reason to lose our patience with someone we don’t see that often or may never see again. There’s no “battle to be won”.
With family and I guess friends too, more time is spent together. You learn about all the good things and the bad things. You challenge each other while at the same time helping each other grow. Because we spend this time together, sometimes things rub us the wrong way and we snap.
We snap because we can. It seems like a part of the relationship just like anything else involved in friendships.
But there comes a point where it goes to far. When disagreements turn into name calling, slammed doors, and hurt egos. When the idea of talking it out and seeing each other’s perspective goes out the window.
That shouldn’t happen. At least in my eyes it shouldn’t.
It’s ok to disagree with the people close to you, to have heated debates, but it’s not ok to lose our patience and take it too far.
So how can we treat these moments with friends and family like we do with others? How can we have the patience of the Stoics? The ability to say, “this isn’t worth it” and realize no one’s feelings need to be hurt.
How can we take a second of pause and realize our relationship is more important than being right?
February 23, 2021
