They are only people. Just like you.
Over the past week I’ve thought a lot about my relationship with my family, especially my parents. After spending a weeklong vacation in close proximity to my immediate family, aunt, uncle, cousins, their spouses, and children, I’ve developed a deeper understanding of empathy.
The past couple weeks of blogs have felt a little more cliche to me, in the sense that the ideas I’m discussing have been taught since childhood. I’m sure most of us have heard quotes on empathy far too many times – walk a mile in their shoes, treat people the way you want to be treated, etc. Similarly to what I said in last week’s blog On Death and Dying, there’s a moment when knowledge becomes wisdom, when a concept is felt and truly understood.
This moment has become an important teacher for me, one that deserves intentional focus, acknowledgement, and thought. I can think about empathy all I want, but when I truly feel empathy, that’s when lessons are learned.
This week’s blog may be nothing new, but it needs to be written, for my own sake. The thoughts and feelings I experienced over the past week will stay with me forever. I’ve discovered more depth to my understanding of the people closest to me and my new understanding will carry over into all my interactions moving forward. I’m incredibly grateful for the past week and I’d like to try sharing what I’ve learned.
My only hope is that these words will not only be words to you, but resonate with a part of your being outside of just your thoughts. Feelings like this deserve to be felt by each of us and I hope this blog puts you one step closer to turning knowledge into wisdom.
As always, I don’t have all the answers, but I hope my expedition to try finding them in my life inspires you to start the search in you own.
If you enjoy these blogs and feel compelled to support them, I’d greatly appreciate it!
The Instacart Shopper
I fear we’ve lost sight of the human aspects of life. I’m guilty of this and having worked in the service industry for years, I know I’m not alone.
There are many services at our disposal that make life much easier for us – Instacart, DoorDash, Uber, coffee shops, restaurants. All these aim to save you time and effort so you can focus on other tasks or simply take a break. While these services are wonderful, I think we often forget there are people on the other end of it. In each of these industries, there are people trying to make a little money, so they can live their life, just like you.
My Instacart shopper sent me a simple message that made me realize my lack of empathy and gratitude for these services and the people making them happen. Prior to receiving that message, Instacart was just a way to make my life easier. It gave me an extra hour to write or read instead of shopping. After the message, I became aware of my unconscious removal of the human being within the equation. My groceries don’t magically appear at my door, my coffee isn’t brewed by a machine, waiters aren’t a vehicle for receiving food, the voice on the phone isn’t AI (although this is not always true these days and that’s part of the problem). These are human beings, trying to make a living by making your life easier. They are not simply a roadblock, an unfortunate buffer between you and your desires.
Our increased interaction with technology has hindered our ability to see the people around us. We spend so much time interacting with screens and machines that we forget that many tasks are still done by human hands. Technology has done a lot to improve our lives, but it has also warped our sense of gratitude and empathy.
I’m not here to make excuses for myself or anyone in the service industry, but it can be difficult to feel less than human, like an annoying step in the process for the person you’re helping. This isn’t me justifying rude behavior or poor service, but a reminder that we all have bad days. If the barista is grumpy, the waiter is aloof, or the Instacart driver buys the wrong produce, remember they’re human and show them some compassion.
Even on my worst days, the days I wish I didn’t have to talk to anyone, there are customers who treat me like a person, genuinely ask how I’m doing, and have a conversation with me. This is how I’m striving to treat everyone because I know how nice it feels to be acknowledged and treated like more than a machine.
That Instacart shopper may just copy and paste the same message into every order they accept, but either way, they taught me an important lesson and have inspired action. Everywhere I go, I want to put people first, service second. To give people the benefit of the doubt knowing they’re going through just as much if not more than I am. It’s not always easy to make a living, to find peace and contentment in life, to stay strong in the face of adversity, to be positive. I know this from experience, so if I can do anything to make another person’s life better, easier, or simply not worse, I’m going to do it.
Empathy Towards Family
“They’re just people.”
I repeated that line in my mind countless times over the past week. My parents are just people, just like me. What right do I have to expect perfection out of them when I know how hard it is to be a good person without making any mistakes along the way? I truly believe each of us is doing our best. Unfortunately, a person’s “best” may not be all that great, but it’s all they know how to do.
An important question I asked myself is what kind of relationship I want to have with my parents. Do I want nothing to do with them, do I only want cordial interaction when necessary, or do I want to be close to them? I chose the third option because I know my parents are good people who have done a lot for me and continue to be there for me no matter what. My parents are people I want to be close with because I’ve seen who they truly are and I know the mistakes they made in the past do not reflect their true nature.
I can’t speak to whether or not forgiveness is necessary in order to be close with your parents. I know personally that forgiveness has made it easier to have empathy towards my parents, but it may not be necessary for you.
I believe whether you forgive them or not, you need to ensure that their poor choices are not resulting in your own. The choices they made when you were a kid have a lasting impression on your mind and body. If you don’t become aware of these subconscious actions, your parents will continue dictating your life without you even knowing. The beliefs they instilled in you, whether they knew it or not, will influence your relationships, personality, hobbies, fitness patterns, and so much more.
When I started looking back at all the memories that formed false core beliefs within me, I became aware of my impulses. So many of the choices I was making out of anxiety, fear, or passion were coming from an unhealed wound inside me. Once I saw how these wounds were impacting my life, I had to make a choice to continue or to change. When I decided to change, my choices became my own, no longer dictated by someone else.
Knowing the true nature of my parents allows me to see all the mistakes they made as exactly that – mistakes. Their actions that left a stain in my mind were not on purpose, they were coming from a place of passion. It’s no different than when I act out of anger. I know how hard it is to control my own temper, I can’t fault them for losing theirs.
I have empathy for them because I want to have a healthy relationship with them and I know how hard it is to be human. That goes for all my family members. They’re just people, trying their best, doing what they’ve always done. We all make mistakes, we all act in ways we wish we hadn’t, we lose our tempers, or say something stupid. With family, you have the benefit or more time and more interaction to witness their true nature. Over the course of your life, you see who this person really is based on the choices they make and how they regularly act.
It’s for you to decide if a person is someone you desire a relationship with or not. Is this someone good who sometimes makes mistakes or is this person oblivious to the harm they cause and too far gone?
My parents are good people. For so long, I let their mistakes blind me from seeing that. Through healing, through reflecting on those memories and offering myself compassion, I’ve been able to forgive them. Those moments were not a reflection of their true nature, but an act of someone in pain. I’ve done the same so many times as I’ve felt anger, fear, anxiety, and sadness.
I’ve realized how high of a standard I’ve placed on myself and how difficult it can be to achieve that. It’s not my job to set that same standard on everyone or be upset when they don’t meet a personal standard I’ve set in my own mind. My family is worth being patient with because I know who they are deep down.
Final Thoughts
These feelings of empathy over the past couple weeks are indescribable. I wish I could describe how eye-opening theses moments were and how much they’ve encouraged me to strive to be more empathetic every day. I think if we all could feel it, we’d all strive to be better.
It’s easy to forget everyone around you is just like you in many ways. We’re all on the same boat, born as humans upon a floating rock. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone or even interact with them if their actions go against your own values. I do believe everyone deserves some level of empathy regardless of who they are.
Unfortunately, there are bad people in this world – people who regularly make decisions that harm themselves and the people around them. There is a sense of empathy or pity I feel towards these people because I believe if they knew better, they wouldn’t make these choices. Maybe they are too far gone and if that’s the case, I’ll still try to treat them with justice, to see them as a human being, and not let my own passions prevent me from giving them the help they need.
Empathy has come much more easily with my increased attention to my own emotions and thoughts. As I’ve gained a tighter grasp on who I am, the decisions I make, and the emotions behind every choice, I realize the complexity of my own being and understand I’m not the only one.
There’s no way to know if this other person is conscious of their choices or striving to be better. My optimism believes if they are aware, they’ll learn from their mistakes and if they aren’t aware, maybe my empathic response to them will be the spark.
My focus is my own Stoic nature, an unbreakable control over my impressions and impulses. If I embody who I believe is right and good, if I show people empathy and patience, maybe they’ll learn something. If not, at least I’ll be proud knowing I acted how I wanted to.
August 9, 2026
