Everything in Moderation
“Everything in moderation”, that’s what people say, but what does it mean? The Stoics say temperance is one of the four virtues, but how do you accomplish it?
For some, it’s sweets, for others it’s alcohol, and for someone else it’s vacationing. We all have vices – something we cling to for unhealthy reasons. We all have habits we perform out of instinct, not necessity.
In this blog, I’m going to share my thoughts on moderation. I’d like to share how I view certain habits, how I tell if they need moderation, how I limit them, find the right balance, and the importance of rational choice.
As always, I don’t have all the answers, but I hope my expedition to try finding them inspires you to stat the search in your own life.
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An Unhealthy Attachment
Every habit can grow to the extent of needing moderation. It is each of our jobs to determine when the habit crosses the line and becomes irrational, unhealthy, and in need of moderation.
I say “every habit” and I mean that. Even habits we deem healthy – working out, diet, reading, and hobbies – can reach a point when they become a crutch, an addiction, or distraction. The bad habits are more easily recognized. Things like drinking, smoking, or eating out are quickly recognized as poor choices, yet we continue doing them.
Where do we draw the line? How do we know when a habit needs moderation?
Unfortunately, like a lot of my blogs, this isn’t a concrete answer, but I’m going to say it anyway and try my best to explain.
You know, intuitively when it’s time. You are fully aware a habit is unhealthy, bad, over performed, or out of control. You’re capable of sensing this distinction, but for some reason, you’re choosing to ignore it and continue.
A child knows they have done wrong, else they wouldn’t try so hard to hide it. Even before their parents have noticed or said anything, the child prepares. Lies are thought up, hiding the evidence, feigning innocence, it’s all there. The child knows what is right and what is wrong. You aren’t going to convince me a child has a better intuition for right and wrong than you.
An unhealthy attachment to an object, person, or activity feels similar to being a child in the wrong. The tumultuous waves of emotions and thoughts within the mind and body. Your desire to hide, to lie, to soothe, to defend are all there because you know what you’re doing is less than ideal.
I knew an unhealthy attachment formed and still lingers with my past relationship. It became clear to me only after I gave myself space. Constant thoughts of how I could reach out, wondering what she was doing, when she’d be free, if she was mad at me, all played on an endless loop. I was completely disregarding my own life, habits, and mental health because I developed this anxious attachment. I knew too. I was well aware I was making this mistake, but I kept going.
With nicotine, when I ran out, the first thing I had to do was go buy more. Any time I would ingest it, I’d later regret it. Every time I went to buy more, I’d argue with myself, trying to convince my impulse to subside, but it never worked. I felt like garbage and I had a lot of shame knowing I wanted to be disciplined and in control of my impulses, but I was chained to the 20 minute escape from sobriety.
I knew it was time. Buried within the thoughts of desire, fear, distress, and pleasure, there were glimmers of an escape. My true nature was trying to call out, to tell me I needed to stop and regain control. I heard my own pleas for help, but the chorus of passion was louder.
I feel anxious when I know there’s a choice. When I could do one thing even though I know the other option is more rational. Anger comes up when I continue to make the same choices and continue getting the same, undesirable results. When I feel an immense desire for something, I know something’s off. When I organize my life around that habit as a way to increase it’s likelihood, I know it’s wrong.
There’s a difference between a habit being rational or irrational and that difference shows in how you feel about it. If you can’t go without it, if you can’t skip a day, if it’s all you think about, if you try forcing it to happen, if it feels like it’s time, it is. Ignoring these feelings will only lead to the same emotions and outcomes.
Anxiety, fear, anger, and shame are your body telling you something is wrong. These emotions are shining a light on your true nature, attempting to show you who you’re meant to be. When this light shines upon the darkness of your soul, don’t close your eyes or run from it. Squint and let your eyes adjust to your true nature.
Let Nature Decide
This section is not a remedy for addiction or a set-in-stone method for removing unhealthy attachments and discovering your proper moderation amounts. This portion of the blog will share how I quit nicotine, my interactions with it now, how I’m cutting the unhealthy attachment to a girl, and what I look for to prevent healthy habits from going too far.
In the spirit of Stoicism and being aligned with Nature, I’ve begun removing myself from the decision process. It is no longer my job to seek my bad habits out. My job is to live each moment, always on guard for passions and impulses, and to stay disciplined and in control.
Nature decides when it is time to offer me a choice.
When I finally decided to quit using nicotine, I did everything I could to limit my interactions with it. I made it my job to never seek it out or purposefully put myself in a position where I knew it’d be offered to me. The gas station up the street became off limits. For a while, weekends at the bars turned into nights in, and any impulse to buy some became a moment to reflect.
My goal was to limit the need to choose. I knew if I placed myself in a situation where there’d be nicotine, the desire would consume me. The army of rational thoughts was not yet large enough in numbers and strength to fight the incessant barrage of impulsive enemies. There needed to be an extensive period of time away from it to realize its irrationality. I spent this time feeling every craving, every emotion surrounding it, and every thought trying to convince me to release control.
The process was the same with the old relationship. I needed to distance myself and limit interactions. This was a challenge for a lot of reasons that I won’t reflect on in this blog. Just like a craving for nicotine, I had and still have desires to reach out, see if she wants to reconnect, or even just to make sure things are cool between us. As of only about two weeks ago, I’ve stopped trying to force my will on the situation. It is no longer up to me to make moves to see her, talk to her, or worry about what she’s doing. Interactions are at the whim of Nature now. If Nature decides it’s time for her to be put in front of me, I’ll be there. If that moment never comes again, I’ll keep living my life.
With these two examples, I hope you can understand how tough breaking these unhealthy attachments is. It wasn’t easy at the beginning and I still wouldn’t say every day is without an impulsive pull, but the passions have subsided. With enough back and forth between my rational mind and my impulses, the rational thought patterns have started holding more power. When an impulse arises, it is more quickly released without action.
I would like to make this clear too: while I am not seeking these habits and interactions out any longer, I am not completely closed off to them at this time. A part of me is still open to the possibility of these things, but the difference is that my attachment has changed and the decision will have to be a rational one in the moment of choosing. I do believe there will be a day when I decide to have nicotine and it will not be an act of impulse. I’m certain I will see this girl again, but I will no longer act from a place of anxiety or desire. If that leads to something natural and rational, then by all means, I’ll be there for it.
This is the whole point of moderation and temperance – removing the unhealthy attachment that binds you to objects, people, and activities, but saying no today doesn’t have to mean no forever. If you trust in the workings of Nature and release your need to force interactions, you will be offered the choice eventually. Or maybe you won’t, but either way, you’ll be at peace.
You can still enjoy drinks with your friends, you can skip the gym, you can eat fast food, you can do a lot of things even after the attachment is broken. It’s just doesn’t have to be your impulse making the decision.
Final Thoughts
With each new blog, I find it difficult to present my thoughts in clear ways. It’s challenging to share my subjective observation of the world through words. I end up writing, rewriting, reading and rereading, adding and subtracting. It never feels like I’ve said enough, but at the same time, I feel I’ve said too much.
All week, I focus on one blog and in that week, my brain kneads the thoughts like dough, molding them into a final product. Throughout the week, my blogs are hectic and I feel the unhealthy attachment to the outcome forming. My desire for perfection turns enjoyable introspection into stressful expression. My fear of being confused stalls my attempt at being understood more deeply.
So I release the process to Nature. With the intention of posting every Sunday, I trust the rest will unfold. There’s no forced writing, required readings, or late nights of anxiety. When the timing is right, I write. When the timing is wrong, I don’t. If my thoughts feel incomplete by the end of the week, I post anyway. If the topic comes up again in the future, I’ll expand on my ideas. If the topic stays in the past, I’ll carry on to the next topic.
That is temperance. When an unhealthy attachment has formed, you take a step back. Emotions may rise and impulses will try to persuade, but they are not in charge. Nothing needs to be forced, it will happen or it won’t. All you have to do is resist fighting the flow.
April 26, 2026
