Your choice in words can have a big impact on a person’s next steps.
In my recent blogs, I’ve focused a lot on how other people convey their ideas to others. I’ve realized there’s a simple change in a person’s choice in words that can take me from not listening to wanting to learn more.
I was talking with someone about my art the other day and they said “You should start posting on Etsy.” and I immediately thought “I don’t want to post on Etsy.:” Now this person doesn’t know the extent of my research and knowledge of online art sales, so the idea isn’t unwarranted – it’s the way the idea was presented that turned me off.
I’ve grown more uncomfortable with saying and hearing “You should…” and similar statements. They feel so concrete, like if I’m not doing that thing, I’m missing out. It makes me defensive and in need of debating why I don’t want to do that thing.
Asking questions has a more laid back feel to me. “Oh you’re an artist? Have you looked into posting on Etsy?” “You’re trying to lose weight? What’s been working or not working for you?” “You’d like to learn a new language? Have you heard of Tim Ferriss’ ideas on learning a language quickly?” – These feel more conducive to a genuine conversation, one that’s not one-sided or too black and white.
As I’ve said in previous blogs – No one has the answers and no one knows what’s best for anyone else. What gives me the right to tell you what you should do? I have no idea if what worked for me will have the same results for you. What we can do, however, is share our ideas and knowledge by asking questions and sharing our experiences.
If you have the ability to help someone achieve a goal or can offer them beneficial information, don’t withhold it from them. Just be wary of how you present the information. Instead of saying “You should do this.” maybe try “Have you tried this?”
August 29, 2022
