The relationship between habit and the motive behind it has been the focus of my thoughts for the past couple days. The relationship between the action and why you’re doing it has an important link to the results you see as well as the longevity and success of the habit. It may not be that your choice of habit is flawed, you may just have the wrong reasons for doing it.
There are three main components that need to be acknowledged: The Habit, the Motive, and the Results. The habit is the action itself, the method for achieving a certain goal. The motive is the underlying purpose for performing the habit. Motive can be a conscious choice or more often an unconscious one. The results are the signs you look for to prove the habit supports the motive.
What often happens is, a goal (motive) is set, a habit is chosen to achieve that goal, results are not seen, the habit is dropped. The issue with this being that more often than not, the habit is not the problem. The motive is.
In this blog, I’m going to wrestle with this relationship between habits and motives. Understanding how these work together has helped me set proper goals, achieve endless results, and stay consistent with all my habits. It’s also presently helping me manage my fear and anxiety surrounding my past as well as potential future relationships.
As always, I don’t have all the answers, but I hope my expedition to try finding them in my life inspires you to start the search in your own.
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The Three Motives
There are three categories of motives I’d like to touch on to articulate this relationship between habit, motive, and results. Each of these categories will show how the relationship changes and the likelihood of a habit’s success rate.
To determine which category your motive falls under, the first step is making the motive conscious. Only recently, I realized how many of my habits were dictated by unconscious motives. To bring them to the forefront of my mind, I had to start asking myself why I was doing these things and be honest with myself about the reasons.
A Pure Motive
To understand the flawed and good motives, it’s first necessary to define my idea of a “pure” motive.
There is a sort of inherent motive behind every habit and the closer you are to performing the habit from this inherent motive, the more likely you are to succeed and see results indefinitely. This inherent motive is like the reason the activity exists. While there may be some variation in what this motive is between individuals, I believe it’s often quite similar in nature. After discussing this idea with my friend, we came to the idea that this is like the essence of the thing, like the essence of a chair that asks to be sat on. A chair can be used for other means, i.e. a step stool, but its essence or purpose is for sitting. It is the same for habits.
Take reading for instance. What is the essence of reading? My friend and I mulled over this and I found satisfaction in this: the essence of reading is to experience the book. Now, that can mean a lot of things, but remember, the purpose of finding a “pure” motive is to see results consistently. To experience a book can mean to be moved by it, to lose yourself in another world, to read the ideas of another person, to gain knowledge on a topic, or to discover certain styles of writing are not for you. If your intention behind reading is this experiencing, you will never walk away empty handed.
As another example, what would you consider the essence of exercise? In trying to come up with a purpose for exercise that consistently reaps rewards, I’d say the essence is along the lines of health, longevity, and quality of life. If you pursue some form of exercise for this reason, you will rarely be disappointed by the results (there are times when you take the habit too far and you stop seeing results. I’ll touch on this later).
One last example I always find hard to discuss with people is diet, or eating in general. As a Stoic, I’ve learned to remove the fluff surrounding certain activities and externals, one being food. The Stoics encourage you to see things for what they truly are, not the impressions you add to them. A steak is simply a slice of cow, alcohol is a liquid that numbs inhibitions, homes are a place to shelter from the outside world. If you ask me what the essence of food is or the motive behind diet, I’d say it’s fuel. Food is nothing more than energy to keep me moving and feeling healthy.
It seems to me that the closer I am to performing actions for their intended purpose, to aligning my motive to the essence of the thing, the more often I see results that encourage me to continue.
A Flawed Motive
A flawed motive is not necessarily wrong, but often results in disappointment and can frequently lead to the removal of healthy habits. With a flawed motive behind an action, you may see results sometimes, but if you don’t, you question your choices and try something different or give up completely. An important question to ask yourself is “If I don’t receive the result I want from this, how will I feel?”
A flawed motive may see results, but even when results are seen, there’s a feeling of wanting more. Say for example you enter a career for the purpose of making money. You will make money from the job and if you choose the “right” field, you can make substantial amounts of money, but it will never be enough. There will always be this desire for more, to work up the ladder or this sense that there’s something missing. The career will never be good enough.
A flawed motive can often lead to undesirable results, in other words, not the results you hoped for. Going out to a bar with the intention of meeting someone can amount to something, but when it doesn’t, you’re left disappointed. If the focus was to meet someone and you don’t, you disregard the other aspects of the night you could be grateful for – time with friends, improved skill at billiards, trying a new beer, etc.
A flawed motive for reading is enjoyment. Reading for enjoyment is flawed because there is no guarantee you will enjoy every book you read. I’ve read a lot and when my motive used to be a sense of enjoyment, I’d often trudge through books waiting for them to end. When I found no enjoyment in the book I was reading, I’d be disappointed and feel like I wasted my time. Reading a book I didn’t enjoy often stalled my progress and sometimes led to an extended period of time where I didn’t read at all.
When it comes to exercise, a flawed motive would be for aesthetic reasons. If you are exercising to look good, you will find it is not easy to see results. I’ve built workout programs and gone to the gym with the intention of building a perfect physique, but I was never satisfied. When results didn’t show themselves as quickly as I desired or to the extent I wanted, I lost all motivation to workout. You may see some results along the way, but it takes a long time and a lot of discipline to see substantial results. If you’re like me, you’ll also discover a feeling of never being done, like there’s always more you can give, more fat to lose, more muscle to build. It’s not a healthy motive for exercise.
A Good Motive
A good motive is one that sees results, but it is never perfect and always needs adjustment. While you see results a lot of the time, you won’t always be satisfied and you may find it doesn’t suit you for long.
An example may be starting a new job to learn a new skill. This is how I started the past three jobs I had in coffee. Each taught me a little more about the process of making drinks and helped me hone my craft. With this being my only motive though, there have been a lot of times when I’ve felt stagnant and each day is just the same thing repeated. There’s no more learning. While it’s sad to admit it because I love making coffee, I don’t feel I’m going to learn much of anything new anymore, so my motive needs to change.
A motive in this category shows results for extended periods of time and keeps you motivated, but eventually the excitement wears off.
When I completely shifted my life at the start of this year, my motive was to improve my mental health and well-being. For the first three to four months, I felt incredible. I was energized, learning a ton, pondering all day, going to the gym and building muscle, and thrilled to wake up every morning to do it all again. The motive was seeing results, but I grew attached to the feelings and eventually they wore off. The dopamine levels found a new baseline and the routine became just that. A routine. So now, the motive has to change to something more pure because I know what I’m doing is beneficial, but there needs to be a worthwhile reason to continue.
Additional Notes
Lastly, I want to touch on a few other instances where this dynamic between motive, habit, and results arises.
There are times when the motive is pure and the habit is performed, but the habit goes too far and your results hinder the motive.
With my exercise habits, my motive is general health, mobility, and longevity. Recently, my joints have been feeling the effects of progressive overload. My knees are locked up, it’s hard to walk or run, and my muscles are often quite tense. The results of the habit are doing the opposite of what my motive wants them to be. Instead of feeling healthy and mobile, I feel fatigued and stiff.
The motive isn’t to blame, there just needs to be an adjustment in the habit.
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These three motives have come up in a lot of my decisions, not only with habits. I’ve begun looking at my motive behind every choice I make from who I text, what I say, where I go, and what I post.
For example, there was a girl I had a crush on who worked at a restaurant. Often, I would find myself wanting to go to this restaurant not because I wanted to eat there (pure motive), but because I wanted to see her (flawed). If I went there for the latter reason, maybe she’d be there and I’d be happy, but there were times when she wasn’t and I was bummed or she was and nothing came of it, so I was disappointed. As opposed to going out of random chance then if she was there, hell yeah, if she wasn’t, I still enjoyed the meal with my friend or family.
Recently I realized how these motives played out in my past relationship. There was always some flawed, underlying desire at play when I reached out. Whether it be I wanted to see her or my anxious attachment needed reassurance. Most of the time, the motive behind reaching out wasn’t pure or even good, it was typically flawed. In this case I think a pure motive is simply to be with the person and see if you connect, but realizing you’re not in control of their response, so you have no expectations. If they don’t answer, oh well, if they can’t hang out, no worries, if they can, awesome. I know my motives were flawed because of how I felt when we couldn’t spend time together.
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As I write about these motives, I understand the Stoic nature of a pure motive. A Stoic’s priority is to live in as close alignment to Nature as possible, to love fate, have no expectations, and control impressions.
A pure motive is almost like not having any motive at all. You do things simply because that is what needs to be done. You have no expectations of results, you simply direct your attention to the good and stay averse to the bad. The habits and hobbies you pursue are indifferents, but how you apply them is what’s important.
So if you choose to read, read for the sake of reading and use whatever comes from it to become more virtuous. If you choose to lift weights, do so intentionally and use discipline, strength, and health for good. Should you choose to pursue deeper connections with people, express yourself as naturally as you can, allow the right people to find you, form no attachments, and use the relationships to improve the world.
The only motive you truly need is to take each moment and see it for what it is. To strive to do what is right and continue building virtue through everything that you do.
With the right motive, you’ll never fail to see results.
Final Thoughts
On December 30th, 2019 I posted my first blog. In the past six and a half years, I’ve written over 300 blogs on topics like habits, discipline, self-improvement, Stoicism, and lessons I’ve learned. I’ve started and stopped writing blogs on and off since that day, but why does this time feel different?
Without the assistance of hindsight, there is no way to prove the feeling I have about this time around. When I started writing again this January and I continue writing every week, I can feel the change in my motive from all the other times. The first blog I wrote this year came from the most natural state I’ve ever experienced.
Up to this point, when I wrote blogs, recorded podcasts, filmed YouTube videos, and posted content, there was always a hidden, flawed motive. I always had a hope this post would go viral, this blog would make money, that podcast would attract someone famous, etc. The motive was always to squeeze something out of these ventures, there was always an expectation, and when I didn’t see results, I’d quit.
I kept coming back though. The habit stayed the same, but the motive always changed. A part of me knew what I was doing was something I needed to pursue, but I always attached too much weight to it. Instead of just creating to create, to understand myself, and experience life, my desires sought more. When more didn’t come, I pursued less.
Now, I create to create. I’m no longer seeking anything more than to share my subjective opinion in any way that feels natural to me. So when I write a blog, I have no hope for exposure, desire for praise, or fear of backlash. When I share a video, it is no longer for views and likes. All these things I’m creating are for me first and if no one ever saw them, I wouldn’t regret a single thing.
Even as I write this, I don’t cling to any hope that I’ll continue writing blogs long-term. There may come a day when I decide to stop writing again. If that’s the case, I’ll accept it as necessary, otherwise Nature wouldn’t’ve made it happen. Or if Nature deems I continue down this path, then I’ll follow it gladly.
The motive feels pure and I continue to see results. That is why, right now, I am writing.
July 12, 2026
