When a car is breaking down, it shows many signals of its distress. From loud noises, high-pitched screeches, to bright lights on the dashboard. A car in pain makes it known to the driver and all those around.
A person in a state of “breaking down” is no different than a car. There are clear signs and signals expressing their state of distress. The loud noises and flashing lights just aren’t as obvious or directly pointing to the cause.
Discovering the signs of your mind and body in a state of distress can guide you towards finding a solution. Once you see your thoughts and actions as signals for something deeper, you can begin the search for the cause.
I’ve found two distinct forms of “malfunctioning” in my life. In this blog, I’ll be using the word “pain” to describe the many forms of stress, turmoil, dysregulation, and unnatural states of the mind and body. In my life, I’ve separated these pains into two categories – pains of the mind and pains of the body. Each category of pain resides in its own physical of mental space within me and each expresses itself in unique ways. Distinguishing between the two categories allows me to offer myself the proper care in each scenario.
I’ll aim to share my ideas on the various forms of pain in my life, how I separate them, and how I seek the best remedy in each case, in the hopes that you’ll be inspired to start looking at your own signs and signals. You deserve to be understood and cared for just as much as anyone else and I hope this blog encourages you to offer yourself that attention.
As always, I don’t have all the answers, but I hope my expedition to try finding them in my life inspires you to start the search in your own.
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Mind or Body
A pain of the body is a concrete being that can be easily described through words. Pains of the body consist of sickness, soreness, tiredness (lack of sleep), exhaustion (from physical exertion), hunger, etc. They are more outward, physical expressions of the body, similar to the sounds of a car in need of repair. These pains are not only apparent to the driver, but also to the people around.
A pain of the mind is more complex and difficult to distill into words. We have labels for them – anxiety, sadness, loneliness, depression, fear, etc. – but to understand them on a personal level takes intentional introspection. These pains are found deeper in the subconscious. They stem from a culmination of life experiences, learned behaviors, and false beliefs. They are the lights on the dash that only the driver can see. If you know little about cars, the lights are ignored. The curious ones can find the owner’s manual, locate the signal in question, understand its origin, and find the proper fix.
The challenge of separating the two pains results from their closely intertwined nature. Each pain can lead to a pain of the other form. Anxiety can cause sickness, tiredness can cause sadness… The mind can affect the body and vice versa, so how do you determine which is the root cause of your present experience?
Natural State
The way you know something is wrong is by knowing the opposite. There is a clear difference between driving a new car off the lot and driving it after many years. To understand your own needs, you need to understand your natural state.
I view my natural state in a few different contexts. My natural state is who I am when I’m hanging out with all my college friends. I’m myself when I am home, writing, painting, cleaning, and reading. In these contexts I am in a state of peace. There is no anxiety, no fear, and no distress. There is only presence and a wonderful sense of calm and often joy. My body is in this natural state when it is at its most healthy – hydrated, satiated, relaxed, and energized. This is when I’m following a routine, diet, and staying on top of recovery.
This is the baseline I aim for. Any time I experience something outside of this state, I try to notice it and acknowledge it as soon as possible. There are times when I don’t catch it quickly and I watch it negatively affect multiple parts of my life. As I try to understand myself more, the signals become more apparent and the remedy comes faster.
I’d describe my natural state as Stoic, calm and unfazed by externals. My natural state has a quick wit that I admire and owe to my dad. I move with intention and control over my actions. I’m immensely curious about the world and the people around me. This natural state of mine is a place I’ve grown quite fond of, an enjoyable space of compassion and patience, and a safe haven I always want to return to.
Some signals I witness when I have a pain of the body include: irritability, impatience, inattention to detail, deadpan facial features, tension, rumination, lack of energy, no motivation, and many more. It’s often a slow descent into a constant state of poor health and well-being. Slowly, as I break down, I lose control over my habits and mindset until I eventually become a different person altogether. I’m no longer recognizable to myself and no longer someone I desire to spend time with. It is not an enjoyable state of being and when I’m reminded of the joy of my natural state, I do everything I can to find my peace again.
The Cause
The challenge is determining if these signals are coming from a pain of the body or the mind. Figuring this out has been a huge help in finding a solution and giving myself the proper care more quickly.
I’ve always been someone who focuses on pains of the body first. Ever since I was a kid, I strived to find ways to do the same things as everyone else without letting my disease interrupt that. My focus was always my health, diet, and staying active because I wanted to live as “normal” a life as I could. So now when my baseline state is out of whack, I immediately look to my habits. I look to alter the physical to see its affect on my chemical and mental state.
About 8 months ago, I strove to dive deeper than just the pains of the body. Even after I felt I had gained a lot of control over my habits and routines, I still felt intense moments of anxiety, sadness, loneliness, fear, and distress. There was this realization that there was only so much building discipline could fix and if I wanted to feel good both physically and mentally, I had to explore the thoughts running through my mind.
Stoicism became an incredible instructor. Reading Discourses allowed me to start observing my impressions, my impulses, and learn to gain control of them. In addition, I listened to an audiobook on Anxious Attachment that taught me a meditative practice of meeting your childhood self in a safe place and listening to them share their thoughts, feelings and fears. I remember the first night I did this exercise, I cried harder than I have since watching the funeral scene in How I Met Your Mother. For the first time, I felt the weight of the chains binding me to my past and the sense of relief as I started breaking them.
When I start to feel my mental health slipping, my impulse control slackening, and my days start feeling mundane, I go to my habits. I look at all the potential pains of the body and do everything I can to mitigate them in case they are the cause. My sleep schedule shifts, my food intake increases or decreases, my gym routine eases up or progresses forward, and my time alone may temporarily increase. Once I am confident my habits are running smoothly and all the pains of the body are healed, I see what is left over. Which pains of the mind need to be looked at?
When I first started this process last year, there were many pains of the mind that needed attention. There were a lot of nights spent sitting on my couch, meeting my childhood self, and hearing what they had to share about their fears and anxieties. I started to understand why I was feeling the way I was throughout the day. There were much deeper reasons for why I was stressed at work, constantly felt the urge to text my ex, had no motivation to workout, and so many other pains of the mind. Every time one would pop up, it was another sign I had more work to do.
These days, I’m grateful to say I don’t experience pains of the mind as frequently as I once did. As I started understanding my impressions and all the reasons I was feeling these negative emotions and their impulses, they started disappearing. Their irrational nature became more apparent, their impulses more manageable, and their occurrence less frequent. There is less anxiety, less fear, and less distress in my life. There are still days where these emotions make an appearance, but now I know it’s just a sign I have something to work on.
As to which I’d recommend starting with, I’d say whichever you feel is easiest for you. Therapy was a perfect stepping stone for me on my path towards looking at my thoughts and pains of the mind. If you know you have a lot of pains of the body, I’m not telling you to completely alter your life and habits all at once. I know how difficult it is to build a consistent habit and break old ones. I always recommend starting wherever you are. If you can walk 10 minutes a day, do that and build as slowly as you need. Start at the simplest thing you know you can do every day to begin the process of healing your pains of the mind and body.
Final Thoughts
To keep your car running smoothly, you gotta take care of it. If you want it to last a long time, it needs attention and maintenance. You don’t need to know anything about cars to know when something is wrong. You also don’t have to repair it by yourself, you can look for a mechanic.
I believe your mind and body send signals of distress just as a car does. From exhaustion, anxiety, illness, and sadness, your body knows when something is off and needs your help to fix it. I always tried to ignore the signals. Eventually, I got to a point where my dysregulated state became my baseline. The pains of my body became the norm and the unhealthy habits became natural. My mind was always swirling in a state of rumination and fear. It didn’t feel possible to turn them off.
Sometimes I think all a person needs is to become aware that they have more control over their lives than they may believe. Our habits dictate the state of our mind and body. Each of us has the ability to observe our choices, know which ones could be better, and choose differently.
Give your mind and body the care they deserve.
June 7, 2026
