Does change occur more rapidly with active involvement or is it more wise to let time run its course?
Change is the act of going from A to B, one form to another. A car changes speed, water changes to ice or steam, a person changes their clothes. What triggers the change? For the car, the gas or brake being pressed. Water is altered through temperature. A person changes through choice. Or do they?
I’ve been thinking about the changes I’ve observed in my thoughts, impressions, and control. Did the “effort” I put into changing truly do that much or is this just another example of “time healing all wounds”? Maybe this was bound to happen regardless of my choice to try bettering myself. If I had simply waited long enough, I’d be in the exact same position I am now. Was any of it a choice at all or was my mind and body following a logical progression towards peace and freedom?
In order to make real change happen, we first need to understand why we’re doing the things we do. Building healthy habits is an important step in the process of bettering yourself, but they only do so much to evoke change. If you don’t know why you make poor choices in the first place, they’ll always linger, no matter how disciplined you are.
In this post, I’ll share some thoughts on change. The change I’m interested in isn’t prominently observed by others though. True change takes place at our core.
As always, I don’t have all the answers, but I hope my expedition to try finding them in my life inspires you to start the search in your own.
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Building a Fire
The distinction lies in building a fire.
The wood goes through change as it splinters. With every strike of the axe, a crack forms, slivers fly, and smaller pieces fall to the ground. A stump becomes logs and kindling. Wood changes shape, but it is still wood.
As the log cabin is assembled in the fire pit, another change awaits.
As the wood is ignited, the smoke and flames arise. Fire is created by breaking down the chemical structures of the wood into simpler molecules like carbon, oxygen, and hydrogen. What was once wood becomes something completely new and is released into the air. What’s left is ash, the parts of wood that cannot combust. An observer will not see wood, but can accurately assume a fire took place.
My curiosity lies in the spark.
A fire can of course start without human intervention, through electricity, heat, or otherwise. Campfires though, an intentional burning of wood, require our input. To make a fire on our own time, we must strike the match.
Reason is not Enough
In The Treatise of Human Nature, David Hume argues that reason alone cannot motivate action.
Based on my own introspection, habit formation, and management of my emotional impulses, I agree with this sentiment. You can know what you should do, but not do it. The right and wrong actions have always been apparent, but I never knew how to do the right thing even when my emotions told me to do otherwise.
Reasonable action was frequently seen retroactively through feelings of shame and regret. I’d act impulsively then later question my decisions. Wrong action was told through thoughts of “Why’d I do that?” When the emotions subsided and I could think clearly again, the choice I made and the choice I should’ve made were obvious, but this knowledge rarely reflected itself in the heat of the moment.
Knowing what’s right and doing what’s right are drastically different. “Reason” encompasses both thought and action, but reasonable action is more difficult than reasonable thought. Reason falls on a higher level of consciousness than emotional impulse. This is why something happens, we feel something, we act, then we wonder why. The mind is rarely given the opportunity to consider the situation and our actions before impulses decide for us.
Impulses are unconscious habits built through repetition and consistent proof of your beliefs. The foundation of your beliefs is often built before you are aware of it. Before you’re offered the mental capabilities of deciding right and wrong thought and action for yourself, your habits are choosing for you. Unfortunately, these habits and beliefs often evolve unquestioned and carry us through life.
The ability to question your habits and beliefs determines the level of change you witness in your life. To live unquestioned is to change from a log to a stick – same but different. To question oneself compassionately is to change from log to fire – from one form to another. Change takes place in both scenarios, but the depth of change and the results are immensely different.
The Core
Habits can and do change on their own. Thought patterns can reorganize with time. We change on a daily basis with the natural flow of life, but real change doesn’t happen randomly.
Journaling before bed was a habit I held from about January 2018 to July of 2024. Reflecting on the past day was something I wanted to do for my future self, so I could look back and see how far I’d come. I’d miss a few days of writing for a vacation, illness, or forgetfulness, but I always managed to get back to writing consistently.
My life took many turns as I moved into my first apartment, balanced multiple jobs, formed a social life, and continued trying to figure myself out. Missed nights of journaling became more frequent. A week would go by without considering it. I’d open my notebook and see a month had passed. The blank page reminded me how much had happened, but it was too much to condense into a couple paragraphs. Life started to become a burden, a weight upon my shoulders, and reflection was the last thing I wanted to do when instead I could close my eyes and hope for 8 hours of rest from my thoughts.
Journaling is still not a habit I hold. That part of me slowly adjusted to the times and slipped from my grasp. Nothing was forced, it wasn’t a choice to change my habit, it simply happened.
The same is true of many other habits – workout splits, reading, note taking, tidiness, social media use… The progressive change could also be seen in my thoughts.
A crush would fill my mind with questions of how to act, what to say, and if they liked me. Then, our lives would go in different directions and we wouldn’t talk as much and eventually not at all. I’d still think about them daily, but one morning it wouldn’t be as soon as I woke up, it’d be 15 minutes later. Then one day I realize it’s been all morning without a thought. Then a full day. Now as rare as a four leaf clover – only found if I search for it.
Change does happen with time, but it’s only on the surface. This same-but-different version of you may appear changed to the outside world and you may even be able to fool yourself, but at your core you are the same. The sameness of your core is shown through your choices.
This core is responsible for all your whys. Why you continue finding unhealthy relationships. Why you can’t build a consistent diet and exercise routine. Why you continue making decisions then feeling shame and regret. Why you feel so much dread as you pry your eyes open every morning before work. Why you feel stranded, without a purpose or direction.
True change is found within this core. The bonds holding this core together must be heated to the point of fire. The foundation of who you are must be tested and often broken, so it can be rebuilt. Wood first produces smoke as it warms, but burns as it breaks its complex structures into simpler elements.
Humans first experience emotions as externals warm the various parts of their core. To burn, to break the complex and become something new, a human must stoke the flame. Broken bonds are expressed through tears, a deep breath, and a release of tension that had gone unnoticed for so long.
Changing the Core
No amount of discipline will be enough to change your core. You can go to the gym every day, train for marathons, eat perfectly clean, and cut out alcohol forever, but if you do not investigate your core, true change will never happen.
My whole life has focused on the level of my habits. I’ve always been keen on trying new diets, routines, and hobbies to add excitement to my life. While I’ve always made an effort to take care of my health and learn, change always stayed surface level. My physique grew slimmer and more muscular, my knowledge of business, money, and psychology increased, and I was able to pursue many creative ventures, but I was always at the whim of my impressions and emotions.
The end of a relationship brought with it the most anxiety, fear, worry, and sadness I’ve ever felt. Alcohol numbed, weed boosted my mood, social media distracted me from my thoughts, and rest became a daily “need”. After months of poor choices, my reason kicked in again and my motivation to fix my habits came back, but this time was different.
This time, I not only stayed disciplined with my diet and exercise, I also removed every distraction – phone, TV, books, alcohol, and weed. Every evening after work, I was left alone with myself. Unknowingly at the time, this was exactly what I needed to reach the core of my distress.
With nothing to do but introspect, I was offered the opportunity to interact with my emotions on a deeper level. An exercise of meeting my childhood self in a safe place (kayaking on a pond) became a nightly routine. The first night I met with kid Bryce, I asked him what he wanted to talk about. I remember vividly hearing him say “I’m so scared” and as I sat there on my couch, the tears came rushing in. I’d sit there for as long as I felt I needed, allowing kid Bryce to share as much as he was willing, and being there to listen and try understanding.
My emotions were no longer a separate part of me I needed to run from; they became a glimpse into a part of my core. Slowly, I realized every emotion was one of these core beliefs being heated, begging to be broken down. To do so, I had to dive into the emotion instead of clawing my way out.
The ability to stay disciplined is beneficial. Taking care of your health is an intrinsic part of living a life of peace and freedom (Fundamentals of Life). If you do not make the effort to reach the core beliefs and wounds however, change will only reflect upon the surface. Change is not made from the outside in, by force feeding yourself healthy food and exercise. Real change is made first on the inside and then expressed through the activities you pursue.
When you truly believe you deserve love, care, attention, grace, health, strong relationships, and peace, your habits will align seamlessly. With time and patience, you’ll find the habits, hobbies, and relationships that allow your true self to shine with ease.
Final Thoughts
The leaves have lost their green and the crisp fall air has set in. There’s a tension that comes with this changing of seasons. Dread arises from the thought of the cold, dark months ahead. Shivers reverberate through me as I postpone turning on the heat one more day. Once the heat is on, the cold can’t be ignored.
The warmth brings with it a silent respite. The shivers cease, the limbs relax, and the breath reaches greater depths. The short walk through the cold is made simpler with the promise of warmth at the end of it.
So long as there is a flame within you there is a promise of heat. This flickering hope resides within each of us and begs to be tended to.
To build our fire we must find the proper materials to burn. Gasoline may burn bright, but it subsides as quickly as it started. Paper helps expand the reach of the flame, but requires more to stay strong. A gentle breath keeps the flame alive, but done at the wrong times can blow it out for good.
Warming your core and burning the old beliefs and wounds that no longer serve you takes building your habits, listening to your voice of reason, and listening to your emotions. Your habits show you that you’re someone worth taking care of. Your reason shows you where improvement can be made and where your impulses may be choosing for you. Listening to your emotions will teach you what’s important to you, when your beliefs are challenged, and what you need to seek peace.
When the fire is built properly and always tended to, you will never go cold for long.
October 25, 2026
