I always stress over the big steps that lay ahead.
My last year in Binghamton, my mind was consumed with sadness of leaving my college years in the past and contemplating the mysteries of the future.
The entirety of this summer I questioned my past decisions as they related to figuring out a career path. I looked to the end of summer as an abyss. A black hole devoid of potential. I had no notion of who I was supposed to become or where my path would lead.
My days were spent adding up costs of living, calculating mortgages, scrolling through countless pages on Indeed, wishing I was making enough money from my art and ETT to say “Screw a job! I’ll do this every day and be happy.”
But like always, the days I dreaded most became the present. Those days that gave me so much anxiety became my reality. But they weren’t/aren’t nearly as terrifying as I anticipated.
A lot of times in my life, I fear the future. I try to prepare for something I have no control over nor do I even know it’ll come to fruition. Then the day arrives and all has worked out without me even intervening. I come to the realization that I never should’ve worried at all.
I left Binghamton with a vague plan. I ended up working all summer, making enough money while at the same time being able to paint and focus on ETT.
I made it to the end of summer, the ice cream shop closed. That allowed me to realize I don’t need to rush into a new job. It’s given me the chance to spend more time on my art and trying to make money my own way.
The point I’m trying to make is this: you don’t know what the future holds, so don’t let it consume your present. No amount of anxiety or preparation can change what happens down the road.
Most of the time you’ll reach the thing you were most afraid of and you’ll realize you’re perfectly prepared for it. You’ll realize it was nothing to worry about and it’s not nearly as terrible as you imagined.
You can plan for the future and do some preparation, but never let the unknown consume your thoughts and actions. You never know what will come in the future. So focus on today and do what you can to make the most of this moment.
November 29, 2021
